The start of a new season what glory awaits!

With the scars of last season’s losses more or less healed there was a great turnout for Mallards, even the possibility for some friendly fire as is common in the Jon Rob cup. The clear skies to the east promised a win whilst the dark cloudy west foretold a return to form and in the middle of all this the Mallards, Genetics and Riding Mill.

Some new additions to the team that flipped the student to professor ratio on its head which scared the living daylights out of the Mallards establishment.

In a desperate attempt to win the Friendly Fire award early in the season Stig defected to the opposing side with admirable ferocity; I am sure this will not go unnoticed by the fanbase of the MCC. The Mallards took to the field getting back to grips with the concept of “Mallardian cricket” which to the untrained eye looked identical to the outside of a pub after closing time. Nevertheless, an excited skipper (Latif) commanded his small force with Napoleonic flare, positioning them around the field with tactics scribbled onto paper from the car ride over. When the batsmen finally took to the square, they were faced with ahardened group of cricketers that resembled the great Imperial Guard (of the coalition wars).

The turncoat, Stig, was eager to draw first blood.  However, his partner (Bully) was first caught out for a duck with a beautiful sliding catch by Wilson younger from the bowling of Cleaver. After two consecutive fours by Stig, he was brought down by his former teammate Holland (S) with a ball that gracefully soared past the defences of the batsman, who was seemingly playing twister at the crease.

More singles and fours came with Nitsch dodging multiple chances o from two unusual drops by Latif and Wilson the younger (obviously) until the latter redeemed his failure with a second catch this time from the bowling of Scott, who performed marvellously in his long-awaited return to the Mallards after three long years out.

Despite the skilful manoeuvring by the skipper Taylor (D) remained at the crease until Latif decided it was time for the fielding partners (Latif and Wilson the younger) to become bowling partners. In two overs three batsmen met their maker. Firstly, a bowl from Wilson  led to the dispatch of Taylor back to the pavilion thanks to a clean catch from Collins. Then a steepling hit from Bennet off Latif meant that a safe pair of hands was required. The hands that emerged from the outfield were that of Wilson the younger (again) who after disposing of his headwear during the descent of the ball safely collected his hat-trick catch. Shortly after  a straight ball from Wilson dispatched yet another Genetics player.

However, as the clouds spread over the slopes of  Riding Mill and the sun began to set, the Mallards’ chance to keep the Jon Rob Cup for more than 6 months disappeared when Richardson stepped out of the pavilion . Now what occurred next I cannot write in too much detail as it would upset our readership. All that must be known is that a bobble hat should not be worn amongst Mallards to avoid any resurfacing of traumatic memories relating to those overs.

Fourteen balls later Richardson retired on 31. Amidst this slaughter a safe catch from Dhillon off Latif sent Dobson back to the pavilion with a duck. The partnership of Laverick and Bell saw out the remaining overs as Genetics ended on 143-7.

The sun was going down so the turnaround needed to be quick with Collins and Dhillon opening the batting. Collins seemingly was not ready to give up on the Jon Rob cup making runs right out of the gate.

Dhillon hit a marvellous four before returning to the clubhouse  LBW. Batt came and went taking a duck with him.  Collins continued making fours and runs with an unusual partner Wilson (the older) who shared Collins’ ideas and scored 10 before being caught out. Collins then retired being replaced by Standring . Latif then showed the remaining batsmen something to live up to by ending with 20 not out. Standring was replaced by Edge who arrived and departed in a very similar manner to his university classmate, also leaving with a duck. Then Holland (S) partnered Latif  until the end of the final over, leaving Mallards at 111-5, a loss by 32 runs.

In the end the Mallards may have lost, but we all know that is not the point of this fixture.  It is to remember a true member of our club. As the sun went down both teams toasted the benches at the far end of the ground and the trophy was passed over.

A friendly match to remember the late, great Jon.

OK, gentlemen… I now call this Extraordinary Meeting of Mallards CC to order.  Honorary secretary: can you please remind us as to the agenda, if you would be so kind.

Yes, Chair. It is to produce a report for the 2021 Jon Robb Trophy Match against Genetics .

Well, this is one of our most important fixtures.  Can I ask why we are called upon to do this?

Indeed, Chair: one of our long-established members volunteered for the task but the event seems to have slipped past what he calls his ‘memory window’ and when he did find himself putting pen to paper, he apparently produced  minutely detailed recall of a match on the Heaton medicals ground, against the same opponents (with some of the same players) that took place in June 1987.  About the 2021 match, however, he had no recall whatsoever, rather like certain politicians and their Christmas parties, in fact.

Well, let us see what we can recall – or glean from the scratchings and scratchings out in the official scorebook.  Mr Secretary: can you please make a note that we need to send some of our members to do a training course in How to Score?

Well, Chair, we do try to raise our skills…  Sending one of our members on the ‘How to Umpire’ course several years ago had a great effect on the team – though not so much in the correctness of his decisions.  Apart from there being fewer on-field altercations with T. Cleaver, the main effect on our performance was through the course recipient choosing to umpire rather than actually play.   The course labelled ‘How to Score’ prompted early interest among active members, but that interest quickly faded when it became known that this was to do with scorebooks.  Hence, in our scorebook, the ‘scoring rate’ column, ‘fall of wicket ‘data and bowler’s boxes should always be regarded as having an accuracy of +/- 47%.

Thank you, Mr Secretary. Perhaps we have to see this as another cricketing tradition of Mallards with which we should not interfere…

Now then, recalls, gentlemen…

Genetics opted to bat, and set a competitive total.   Mallards skipper, Dave Cox, in keeping with the sporting nature of the occasion, adopted a two-overs-each format.  Without any intervention from the captain, Tony Cleaver, was soon steaming in from his choice end to get the contest underway.  He was met with an aggressive response, before bowling D. Taylor in his second over. Hamid somehow contrived to drop a straightforward catch in the field, but then produced a brilliant piece of fielding to atone, running out the free-hitting Richardson before he had caused too much damage.   J. Bennett was in no mood to hang about, either.  He hit six 4s off 17 balls to reach 30 and return to the pavilion, his job done. Against the keen hitters, the six overs from Cleaver, Potts and Hamid had gone for nearly 50 runs.

The match was clearly favouring Genetics at that point but their progress was then pegged back somewhat, as different players, on both sides, strode onto the arena.  The Genetic pool was suddenly becalmed.   Stone (1-10), Steele (1-7) and Cox (0-7), ably backed up by the Wilsons and – at the death – by the lively Ankush (2-4) applied the brakes.  In fact, the dismissal of Bullock by Ankush was another key moment in the game: the quick-scoring number 8 was threatening to give a late boost to the opponent’s total.

Wilson Jnr contrived to produce a remarkable spell of two overs: one containing five wides/no-balls, the other, a maiden.  As a blurred streak around the pitch, he retrieved many lost causes, as well as athletically catching Tarbuck.  Potts similarly plucked from the air a hit from Mitcheson.

The sporting opponents were, despite benefiting from 17 extras, restricted to 118-6 off their 18 overs.  The home team required 119 to claim the much-coveted trophy.

When Mallards batted, Ankush rushed out of the traps.  He hit the first ball from Tarbuck for a high four, and the third one was similarly dispatched.  His sparkling knock of 32 was achieved in 16 deliveries – with only five recorded dot balls.  He hit four 4s and two 6s, the second which signalled his retirement.   Opening bowlers, Tarbuck and Sid Mitcheson, were glad to see him make his way back to the pavilion.

In the overall context of the game, the early scoring rate gave the Mallards a decisive advantage.

Glen Steele will be pleased to see that this report is at last being revealed to the many cricket enthusiasts who keenly follow the Mallards.  After a steady start – officially, four off the first 15 balls he faced – when Ankush departed, he put began clipping the ball around in his Gower-esque fashion, and contributed 25 before J. Bennett got through his defences.

Dave Cox, batting no. 3, left us with the memory of a classic six hit, but soon fell to a wicketkeeper’s grasp off Brian Taylor’s bowling – the tall right-hander finishing with figures of  3-11 off 3.  Hamid piled the pressure on Genetics.  He also showed an accelerating scoring rate to reach 34 not out with a heavily clubbed 6.

Rob Wilson brought some stability to the run chase.  His measured, circumspect style allowing the overworked scorers back in the pavilion to catch up with their quality assurance processes.  [Who bowled the over before last, then? … No, no, I have 4 byes…].  He possibly had in mind the need to provide a role model for Ali Wilson, his son, batting at number six, who fell to the second spell bowling of veteran, Mitcheson, with only dots to his scorebook entry.

Potts came in to partner the impregnable Wilson Sen. for the final overs.  The two made an unhurried 6 and 7 respectively to make it a nervous ending for watching teammates, easing the score (allowing for the 7 extras) to a winning 119-3 in the final over.

The trophy had been brought home – and without needing to call upon the batting prowess of Messrs Latif, Stone and Cleaver.

Speeches and the presentation of the trophy followed, as the orange sunset glow faded from the encircled (socially-distanced) teams on the splendid Riding Mill ground.

A match to savour, Jon.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Way back in the mists of time (well June) the Mallards were in what can only be described as a ‘hot streak’ of form. A passer-by walking their dog asked for an account for such unprecedented success cited the activities of local Riding Mill witches. Through a barely decipherable Northumbrian accent allied to local historical research (painstakingly put together over months by your intrepid match reporter) the tale that emerged was that this was a result of various ungulate crossroad-based deals being made with half-naked Mallards Captains (on this occasion Buckley) at the eponymous Witches Wood. Twisted Willow, representative of the coven, speaking from her cavemouth entrance claimed “Rumours that we are in any way related to Gareth Taylor are scurrilous and we refute any allegations that we have any relationship to any of the strange behavioural rituals at the so-called cricket field. Anyone making such slanderous accusations will be hearing from our lawyers Low, Bounce and Stumped”. Well, that’s that cleared up then (or is it?). Let us examine the evidence and dear reader (if you are still with us) you can make up your own mind.

So it was on a Sunny evening the gentlemen of Belmont Knights CC arrived to play Mallards. Captain Buckley winning the toss elected to bat and the home team entered the field to the enchanting late afternoon sounds of the Northumbrian countryside – a few birds, sheep and the roar of a motorbike past the ground. Kent, who it was said was in the middle of a good run of form, and Steel opened the batting and faced some tight overs from the Knights. Kent swiftly departing muttering incantations for a duck caught off the bowling of Gimpic bringing in Stone who quickly returned to the pavilion after a flashing four (bowled Madley) followed by Wilson who made 2 (bowled May).

First blows to the Knights. Steel who had found the ball initially difficult to get away was joined at the crease by Avtar and after a short period of settling in mayhem broke loose with a truly extraordinary passage of play the ball flying to and over the boundary at all angles. Avtar leading the way retiring with a fiery 31 from 19 balls. Steel who had got his eye in began to get in on the act having` been joined by Cox.  A veritable tonking of the first and second change Knights attack continued with bowlers Green, Power, Hall and James all on the end of an unheralded sequence of Mallard scoring – Steel retiring for 31 from 21 balls and Cox leathering 32 from 16 (including two sixes from his last two balls). And although wickets fell the pace continued with Hall making a quick 4 (bowled) Buckley 9 (run out), with McCaffrey contributing a corking 17 not out joined at the death by Potts who made 5 not out from 3 balls. Along with a fine contribution from extras of 27 Mallards total was a spellbinding 156.

Was there any way even Mallards could lose with such a titanic total? Knights took up the gauntlet and bravely took to the field to face a bowling attack led by Cox and Potts. Cox, who was in fine all-rounder form, taking the wicket of Gimpic, caught by Latif from his third ball and finishing with 1-8 from 4 overs. Potts was equally miserly with 0-11 from 3 overs. First change brought in Stone and Latif who maintained the pressure with Timblin for the Knights struggling to get the ball away and eventually also caught by Latif for 4 off Stone’s bowlign. Bradley, who did move the score along then departed for 29, also bowled by Stone. The loss of his wicket signalled the last meaningful resistance from the Knights whose batsmen faced a thicket of fielding wizardry from the Mallards, notably Buckley stumping from the bowling of the tricky Latif who also conjured a third catch from the bowling of Hall. Knights finished on a total of 90 which on a different occasion might have been relatively competitive but were lanced by a combination of a bowling and batting performance not seen in many a long weekday evening (or perhaps ever in the Mallards history) indeed possibly enough to win two matches.

This is one contibution to the cauldron of a successful season which some passers-by have attributed to witchcraft, statisticians have politely described as an outlier or a ‘dipstick’ outcome, or what Nitsch might argue as careful shepherding of the fixture list. The reality is that this sort of ‘form’ has contributed to wider questions about the governance of the gaming industry by HM Government particularly around spot betting.

Is the explanation our Captain’s cavorting in the local Woods or Mallards players on their mobile phones to darkened speakeasies across the globe leaking improbable match events to incredulous gamblers (Retirements and Catches rather than Run Outs and Ducks) during games? Whichever it is we need to be mindful of the price to be paid when winning in such a fashion at that magical game of the leather, cork and willow… we may need to change our club name!

 

 

This has been something of a watershed year for the Mighty Mallards – dragged kicking and screaming into a new dawn of youthful promise and modern technology. We have left behind outdated preconceptions – like losing the majority of our fixtures – and stepped into the ‘big data’ age where Dave Cox (aka statto) has furnished us with career statistics. We are almost privy to state of the art facilities at our home ground – lights in the changing room and showering facilities with beer in the fridge – whatever next?

So why the improved performances? The motivation of knowing that another 10 runs will take someone to the dizzy heights of 200 career runs or that another wicket would edge closer to the GOAT that is Andy Dunhill? Is the ongoing development the result of a sound youth policy (someone has to fetch the ball from the farmers field) or a widening of the Mallardian net far and wide to bring in competent players as ringers?

A case in point is the regular fixture with our old adversaries the KSOB. No longer in this new age the fear of a jolly good ‘tousing’ from our friends from Tynemouth. Stories are told by Mallards stalwarts down the years of heavy defeats – of old stagers chasing around outfields and facing ‘kings of spin’ leading to embarrassment. No more was the cry…..

Mallards fielded first – no longer to hide embarrassment of a potential low score to make a game of it. Quite simply, confidence is high and what followed was (perhaps) one of the best all round displays in the field (we all agreed as much!) of all time. The bowling was exceptional and the fielding equally so, both ground fielding AND catching (yes! I repeat, catching).

KSOB openers were Moir and Menton (H), the latter having something of a charmed existence. He tried a range of modern batting theories (ramps, charging pace, pre-meditated sweeping), some of which came off, but others were distinctly lucky in their outcome. However, the old adage of ‘have a look in the scorebook, mate’ applies and he retired having made 32 not out – somewhat astonishing. At the other end there was a steady flow of wickets as a result of an excellent bowling performance – so much so that no other batter scored double figures. The opening bowlers maintained tight discipline with the ageless Cleaver recording 1-16 from his 4, and Cox (he of complex macro fame) 1-18 off 4 (including a maiden).

However, the real ‘coup de grace’ was provided by the middle overs attack of Latif (4 overs 3 for 11) and Malik (4 overs 3 for 18) who wrecked the KSOB middle order. This was achieved through great bowling, but also the support of the fielders. The catch that dismissed Weston (7 ) off the bowling of Latif was a candidate for the Swoop Fielding Award. Weston hammered the ball to square leg and Cox diving down and forward took a brilliant one-handed catch. A worldy (a much overused phrase, but entirely apt in this case)!! There was another catch for Wilson The Younger who seems to be something of ball magnet. He has a growing reputation for reliability in catching and he can run as well – a significant addition from the Mallards youth development plan. (Webmaster note: The report author Steel modestly left out his fine slip catch early on and, more outrageously, a great take by the Webmaster himself low-down at mid-on)

The bowling was effectively completed by single overs from Holland (0-2) and Butcher (0-9) resulting in an eminently gettable score of 81-8 from 18 overs.

Steel and Wood set out at a leisurely pace given the required run rate. They did however resist Gowar, a very pacy opening bowler (2 overs 0-4), and Black (3 overs 0-13), a previous nemesis of the Mallard’s batting line up in an opening partnership of 33. Just as they stepped up the rate Steel (18 runs from 28 balls) decided to ‘take on’ mid-on to increase the run rate but succumbed to a direct hit due to the fielder’s crown green bowling skills. Steel was replaced by Wilson The Elder (7 runs) who struck a fine boundary, but perished caught and bowled to Menton (K).

Unfortunately, Wood, after helping take the score into the 60s, needed to retire hurt (20 runs from 32 balls) due to the aggravation of a long-standing Achilles injury, leaving the youthful Wilson The Younger and Malik to take up the run chase. For a short time, it seemed that Mallards would succumb to the old failings, but not this  team! With consummate ease Wilson (7 runs from 7 balls) and Malik (15 runs from 9 balls) strode to victory meeting out severe punishment to the KSOB bowling attack, giving Mallards a comfortable win with 4 overs to spare and only two wickets down. An excellent win for the resurgent Mallards, supported well by superb bowling and fielding and a batter called E.X. Tras who contributed 16 runs to the winning chase.

In these days of new technology, many retired to the clubhouse for a visitation to the fridge for a well-earned beverage – bought by contactless card no doubt. Just wait ‘til they wire up the showers!!

 

2021 has been Mallards busiest season in recent memory with nigh on 30 fixtures on the list, something that has sent the club’s scouts far and wide in search of new talent. With Durham’s match in Gosforth proving too much of a draw for a number of regulars, the scouts’ abilities were put to the test. Despite bleak reports coming from the selection committee throughout the day, we somehow scraped an XI together, with the 40th, 41st and 42nd players to don the duck this year stepping up for the occasion.

Team preparations were further disrupted by a forecast that was bleaker than the selection committee’s reports, as well as what the tabloids would call “TRAFFIC HELL” on the A1 delaying a significant chunk of the team. That part however made the Cox’s job as Skipper a bit easier; it’s not hard to nominate your top four batsmen when you have only four players…

With dark clouds on the horizon, the match got underway with Cox and Wood starting things off for the ‘Lards. The pitch, which was described by Cleaver in a manner that can’t be repeated here, proved to be somewhat variable but with some width on offer from the bowlers, the openers settled into their task. Wood may have settled a little too much, but the runs started to flow from the other end as Cox found the boundary repeatedly; the latter hitting seven fours to retire on 32. New Mallard, Cartledge slotted in nicely at three and was able to keep the runs flowing.

The fifty came up after just six overs (Wood: 2*) and things continued in this spirit with Cartledge clearing the boundary on a couple of occasions. Brimming with confidence, he was then bowled, and deservedly so, while attempting a scoop shot. That sort of thing is typically grounds for exclusion from Mallards, but we’ll let him off with a warning. Score 75/1 after 10 overs. Wood: 10*.

Green at four, aware that he’d have to be the one to score the runs in the partnership, swung and missed a straight one, but that brought Dhillon to the crease. Thirteen balls, four fours and three sixes later Dhillon retired on 34. Browne was next in and signalled his intent by smiting his first ball for four, all in after the 15th over we were sitting pretty on 124/2. A couple of short showers threatened to disrupt things but failed to turn into anything serious.

Wood started to pick up the pace with a few boundaries, including a glorious lofted straight drive that he insisted I mention, and reached 30 to retire leaving only a handful of balls for New Mallard, Goodger to face. Goodger looked to keep the runs coming but was unable to connect, making  the second duck of the innings. Not-New Mallard, Stone was unable to get the last couple of balls away, but we had amassed a very handy 158/3 from our 20 overs, Browne finishing on 23*.

After a quick turnaround, Cleaver was soon storming in for the start of the second innings, and was on the money from the start. Partnered with Goldsborough at the other end they were asking all sorts of questions of the openers. Goldsborough struck first, removing Monaghan with a beauty before Cleaver picked up the other opener Dobson in the third over. This was the start of a remarkable four consecutive maiden overs by the opening pair.

Dhillon was introduced as first change in the 7th over and struck with his first ball which skidded through the defenses of Dimple. Score at 13/3. Cleaver finished his spell with the impressive figures of 4-2-3-1. Dhillon struck again in his second over to keep the pressure on. Latif at the other end was showing off his new “long run” and seam-up style but took a while to find his line. Keeper Wood was kept busy all evening with the variable bounce really putting him through his paces, only conceding two byes was an excellent effort. Good thing he didn’t tire himself out too much with the bat.

The rain finally arrived and forced a brief halt, but fortunately the shower blew through and play soon resumed. After 10 overs the score was 32/4 and Cox started to rotate the bowling. Cartledge and Goodger each had a couple of overs, with Goodger bowling Pennels in his first over. However the Knights’ middle order was starting to fire with Mason in particular finding the boundary regularly. However it was too late at this point and the asking rate was climbing.

Stone and Cox closed out the innings with Stone bowling Mason for 26, with the innings closing on 111/6 for a 47 run win. In the end there was just enough time to squeeze the 20 overs in before the light really disappeared. Credit to the Knights for getting a game in at all but fortunately the rain wasn’t as bad as it could have been and we were able to get the match completed. Thanks also to Mrs Cartledge for taking on the scoring and keeping an immaculate book.

The trip south to play Wearmouth, new opponents for the Mallards, took place on a gorgeous July evening . Wearmouth batted first . Opening the bowling for the Mallards were the hardened cricket Academics Messrs Cleaver and Stone . Cleaver taking a little time to adjust his sights was soon in full swing taking the wicket of Whitaker lbw for 1 in the 3rd over.

New batsmen Aslam was run out brilliantly by Dhillon snr for 4 in the 5th over, the score 31 for 2 . Cleaver was in his stride, rolling back the years and striking again in his last over, having Wayman caught for 2 by Dhillon snr. Stone, who had started well, but had leaked a few runs fought back in his final over taking the wicket of the Wearmouth skipper who was looking dangerous for 14, caught by Dhillon snr with a juggled effort.  Stone finished with 4 overs 1-37 and the evergreen Cleaver a fantastic 2-22 off his 4 overs . After 8 overs Wearmouth were 62-4.

Wearmouth opening bat M Ahmed retired on 31 . New batsmen Brigham and Houghton steadied the Wearmouth innings with Latif and Malik the change bowlers for the Mallards . Latif took a little heat in his last over and finished with 0-31 off his 4 overs Malik with good lines finished with a very credible 0-20 off his 4 overs including a maiden . Wearmouth after 16 overs were 114-4 . During this time a very weird but typical Malllardian conversation took place between Skip Buxom and Vice Skip Stig, being the cricketing parents of the writer, and fighting over who was mummy and daddy . The writer was freaked out recounting this especially as it is now 11.27 pm. I need a pick me up to keep going (whisky or a joint ok, settle for warm milk )

Dhillon snr and Stig finished the bowling for the Mallards . Both Brigham and Houghton retiring with well made scores. Dhillon snr bowled S Donkin for 1 . Dhillon snr finished his 2 overs 1-9. Stig taking thewicket of Kay with his first ball, took a bit of stick in his last over and finished with 2 overs 1-16. Wearmouth finished with 139 -6. (It’s now 11.36pm )

Mallards, packed with a strong batting line up, opened with Ankush and Malik and set off with a flurry of runs . After 2 overs they were 24-0 . Malik was first out, caught for 9 off the bowling of Thompson in the  3rd over . A familiar Mallards collapse had begun. Saif was out for 1 in the 5th over off the bowling of Donkin . Dhillon snr was out for 6 off the bowling of Brigham . After 8 overs Mallards were 40-3, needing 100 off 12 overs .

Ankush played some great shots but was then bowled by Philliskirk for 20 . Green with his crab-like batting stance looked well set but got impatient and was stumped for 7 . Dhillon jnr was bowled for 0 by Philiskirk, finishing with a brilliant 2-2 off his 2 overs. Mallards were 58-6 off 13 overs with chances of victory slipping away . Skip Buxom played a few crisp shots but was out caught off the bowling of M Ahmed . Cleaver was run out for 0 . Latif was joined at the crease by Stone and they went about the last 2 bowlers to some effect . Latif retired on 30 off 19 balls with four 4s and Stone was left on 9 not out . The Mallards finished on 110-8 off their 20 overs.

The Wearmouth lads seemed a good bunch and we hope this fixture continues in years to come.

It’s 11.55 pm the Writer has done it !! Please don’t say it’s been f…ing done before !!

Last thing do I bat or bowl tomorrow mummy and daddy ?