Top class facilities, changing rooms with actual hangers and an extra spiky fielder were not enough to help Mallards stave off defeat in a comprehensive lashing at Benwell Cricket club vs Durham Uni staff on a perfect English Summer evening.
Mallards were up to bat first, and a promising opening partnership fell early with 12 runs on the board. Given LBW by a Mallard Umpire despite an inside edge on the bat, Fanzeel had to depart. A few runs later Despot Gareth was also back in the dressing room. Perhaps if they weren’t so nice the Mallard batsmen wouldn’t have wanted to spend so much time in them?
The third wicket stand was the most productive of the day, running up a lovely 30 runs between opened Hameed and Ryan Tindale. Following this unfortunately, another 30 runs wouldn’t come before the end of the innings. The remaining 6 batsmen of Jamie Park, Liaquat Latif, Khalid Latif, Pete Bell, Jamie Sackville and Subin could only muster up another 26 runs between them in true Mallards fashion. Smiles all round in the dressing room however – they had separate changing facilities for the umpires don’t you know?
Coming into bowl, and chasing down 78 Durham Uni Staff got to quick work, their openers bringing up a very quick 42 through the first 4 overs. The only thing able to slow them down was an extended break to remove a hedgehog that had made its way onto the pitch. It took a team effort but the spiny garden mammal was safely deposited in a nearby hedge and away from the punishing batting Mallards were being exposed to.
The target was chased within 10 overs, but smiles were had all round. Mainly by Khalid’s family watching him field at fine leg.
What follows is a poetic retelling of the night, penned by Liaquat Latif:
The coin was flipped, the choice was made,
The lopsided trap was softly laid.
The Durham staff just smiled and sighed,
As Mallards’ hope and logic died.
A short T20 match began,
Destruction of the Mallards’ clan.
The staff members bowled with lethal pace,
To leave their rivals in disgrace.
The wickets fell like autumn leaves,
As every Mallard droops and grieves.
They scraped together 77,
While Durham bowled like they were in heaven.
But drama struck mid-over switch,
A hedgehog strolled onto the pitch!
At Benwell ground, the game stood still,
For this spiked guest against its will.
They cleared the field, resumed the rout,
And bowled the final batsman out.
Beyond the boundary, blowing wide,
An Argentinian flag hung high with pride.
The target set was low and slight,
The Durham staff chased with their might.
They struck with ease, they won the day,
While Mallards watched it slip away.
Defeated, weary, full of gloom,
The losers sought the changing room.
At least the showers were hot and clean,
The finest facilities they had seen.