Dearest cousin Eglantine,

Forgive me: it has been some two years since my last monograph [see Mallards v Wolsingham CC @ Beamish, 21 July 2019].  Distracted as I am by my continued difficulties in synthesising Byron’s use of Spenserian stanzas with the third Canto of Scott’s Marmion, my lack of correspondence is perhaps matched only by my failure to keep abreast of events in Her Majesty’s Empire.  The London Times reports that the overland route from China via the North West Frontier has been closed for a while, and that the steam-packet journey from Peking to London (via the Colony of Aden) must now be followed by a period of ‘quarantine’.  This might explain why my ‘contacts’ from Scotswood Road claim that ‘supplies’ from China have ‘gone dry’.  How peculiar: has something happened whilst I have been ensconced in the library of my country house and estate at Broomhaugh Towers, Riding Mill?  [Tiresome historical allegories, drug references and allusions to the pandemic aside, mention must be made of ‘Stig’ at this point: get well soon, mate]. 

You might recall that my last letter recounted the glorious tableau that was a fixture between Mallards CC and a Wolsingham CC XI at Beamish Village.  Acting on advice from my good friend and fellow ‘Black Drop’ enthusiast, Thomas De Quincey, I sought to counter my recent restlessness by an evening perambulation around the grounds of Broomhaugh.

Oh Eglantine! How joyous I am to attest that it was my miraculous fortune to see that the ‘gentlemen’ Mallards had emerged from what I am told is known as ‘isolation’ to do sporting battle with the ‘players’ of Riding Mill CC!  What bliss it was in that evening to be alive, but to be reacquainted with the Mallards (and with Professor Stone’s ‘flashing blade’, more of which later) was very heaven!

After summoning a man to find and erect a deck chair for my use (Stone, 2019), I settled in to observe the spectacle.  Cognisant as I am of the ease with which Mallards are distracted, not least by the beer, fish ‘n’ chips and boiled sweets that were on offer at Beamish Village, I decided to watch from a discrete distance; the bushes at the Jon Rob benches end providing suitable cover.  Nevertheless, I was close enough to hear the respective tactical discussions, the contrasts being rather stark: those representing Riding Mill CC referred to batting orders and their recent performances in competitive cricket, whilst Mallard’s strategy was seemingly typified by Dr Cleaver, Dr Green and Dr Steel, their discourse failing to extend beyond the extent to which Mr Browne’s shoulder injury might affect his onanistic abilities.  Hosts Riding Mill CC also engaged in a somewhat vigorous physical warm up.  I am thankful that Mallards, not least given Mr Browne’s alleged (self) interest, did not.

Apologies, my dear Eglantine and to those more ‘serious’ cricketers for whom this account may be of import.  One’s composure being rather shaken by such prurience, memories of the opening passages of play are a tad hazy.  Well, that and having to ration my use of ‘nerve dampener’ due to what the local villagers refer to as ‘these strange times’.  One does hope that my beloved Percy Shelley is continuing to ‘chase the dragon’ with greater regularity.  Despite being provided, post-match, with a lithograph of the scorebook by that most gentlemanly of Mallards, Mr Latif (L), my eyesight seems to offer less than perfect acuity and this report is, perforce, a touch abridged.

I do remember that Mallards batted first, the experienced Dr Steel and captain Mr Cox displaying superb courage in the face of some impressive opening bowling by Smith and Frazer.  Pressure mounted to the extent that the steady initial scoring became increasingly punctuated by ‘dot-balls’ and some near misses.  Dr Steel was the first to fall for nine, including two sublime boundaries, caught off Frazer by the ever-cheerful ‘keeper (and sometime Mallard) Kent (about whom I will expound in greater detail later).  I must remember to invite Dr Steel for tea, tiffin and a symposium on coitus interruptus at the Newcastle Lit & Phil.

The magnificent Mr Malik was next in, only to be bowled (Frazer) for an uncharacteristic one.  Master Holland (E) joined the fray with the score at 12-2.  Energy, skill and determination abounded in what was an all too brief innings.  Distracted, perhaps, by unsolicited advice on his A-Level choices from Dr Green, he left after adding five, caught and bowled by Mallinson.

Debutant Mr Maltman [welcome, Glenn], recruited by that great master of contemporary prose Mr Wood, joined the redoubtable Mr Cox with the score at 24-3.  Maplesden (M) had by now joined the attack from the Job Rob benches end.  His accurate bowling soon accounted for Mr Cox, perturbed, no doubt, by New Zealand’s continued status as an ‘across the ditch’ outpost of the Colony of New South Wales.  Mallards’ talismanic Antipodean fell for an assiduous 10 (including two fours).  ‘The heart will break, but the talented cricketer will always live on’ as Byron might have put it.

Inspired by his new-found love of Austro-Bavarian poetry (see Mallards v Benwell & Walbottle CC @ Riding Mill, 24 May 2021), the ever-honourable Mr Latif (L) joined Mr Maltman with the score at something or other for four from seven overs.  A sumptuous boundary followed that, allied with some spirited defence from Mr Maltman, helped to keep the score moving.  Delivering the valedictory lecture at the ‘Rilke and Hegel: Two absolute smackheads’ conference that I hosted at Broomhaugh Towers, Mr Latif (L) developed an intriguing synthesis of Rilkean lyricism and Prussian state militarism.  Unfortunately, the owl of Minerva took flight before the darkness had gathered and Mr Latif (L) was bowled by Maplesden (M) after scoring six.

The muzzle-velocity of Sir Hiram Stevens-Maxim new-fangled gun is reported to be 744 metres per second.  The four struck by new batsman Mr Latif (K), another debutant [welcome, Khalid], reached the boundary at the picnic tables end at a similar speed.  Bowler Maplesden (S) avenged this blow, bowling Mr Latif (K) for four. 50-odd for 6 became a few more for 7 from 15 overs when Mr Maltman succumbed after scoring a resolute two, given out [correctly] by umpire Master Holland (E), resting before his appearance for the Northumberland County XI.  Suitably mounted at the gatehouse at Broomhaugh Towers, one of these marvellous new weapons should be just the thing to keep the riff-raff from Stocksfield away from the soon to be restored stash of laudanum tincture.

Mr Holland (S) and Dr Green sought to improve the run-rate.  The unfortunate Mr Holland (S) may well have done so had he not been run out for three following a dubious call [and an excellent throw by Gilroy] by Dr Green.  Further dubiety was evident when Dr Green’s referred to wicketkeeper Kent as what I think was ‘a right cad’, the otherwise innocent and bemused Kent being guilty only of missing a stumping chance.  One’s position in the bushes at the Job Rob benches end precludes being entirely sure of what was said, albeit the third word was monosyllabic and began with a hard ‘c’ sound.  Umpire Dr Steel, consulting his 1867 copy of Tom Smiths, confirmed Dr Green’s egregious error: one may refer to an opponent as a ‘bounder’, a ‘blackguard’ or, indeed, a ‘crinkum-crankum’, but only if they have never played for Mallards.

With the score at 60 something for eight after 17 overs, Mr van Doorn restored some much-needed decorum.  Solid defence and a splendid four followed before he succumbed (bowled) to Marks after scoring a useful six.  Umpire Dr Steel remarked that Marks must be the only bowler to have ever been appointed ‘by democracy’, the ‘players’ of Riding Mill CC being confident (rightly, so it was to be proved) that they could rest their usual attack.  I do hope that this ‘democracy’ thing doesn’t catch on.    The recent Parliamentary Reform Act of 1867 increased the electorate to almost 2.5 million.  Whatever next, my dear Eglantine? Universal suffrage? Votes for the inhabitants of Corbridge? One does hope not.

As Scott tells us, ‘Oh what a tangled web we weave, when we dangle the bat outside of off-stump’.  So entered Neasden’s finest, Dr Cleaver, striding to the middle for the final over.  He proceeded to accumulate a quickfire five not out, including an elegant four through midwicket, the ‘crack’ sound off the bat reminding me of the Martini-Henry rifle that dear Uncle Horatius brought back from the Sudan.  Mallards closed at 73-9 off their allotted 20 overs, Dr Green blaspheming his way to seven not out and the ever-dependable Mr Extras top-scoring with 15.

Word had by now reached me, a note being sent by runner from Dunston Staithes, that Professor Ian ‘the Flashing Blade’ Stone had returned from his latest visit to the Dominion of Canada.  You might recollect, dearest cousin, that my last encounter with Mallards featured an entertaining discussion with the dashing Professor, his impressive knowledge of late-Victorian Romantic literature being equalled only by the majesty of the ‘blade’ that he flashed towards me [note from Latif Solicitors: allegedly] after a lunch interval that featured several Pimms and a trip to The Sun Inn.  Such refreshment and, no doubt, too many years amongst the Quebecois seemed to have loosened both his morals and the gusset ties of his cricketing trousers.  My position in the bushes at the Job Robb benches end, being Professor Stone’s preferred habitat [note from Latif Solicitors: allegedly], alongside the need to maintain my reputation in Victorian high society meant that I thought it best to retire to Broomhaugh Towers for a spot of supper and a few hits on the opium pipe.

Leaving quietly via the shipping container boundary, I had time to observe the diligent Dr Cleaver opening the bowling attack from the picnic benches end and the pacy Master Holland (E) charging in from the Jon Robb benches end.  I also overheard Mr Van Doorn’s suggestion that the Mallards total, much like McGonagall’s The Tay Bridge Disaster, was ‘challenging’.  Riding Mill CC openers Kent and Hall seemed to demur, both striking the occasional boundary amongst regular singles.  Still, the admirable efforts of Dr Cleaver and Master Holland (E) produced chances and both batsmen remained watchful.

Mr Cox brought himself on from the picnic tables end and the openers found his left-arm pace almost as disagreeable as the dodgy bag of brown that I once bought whilst visiting the British Legation Quarter in Beijing.  The run-rate slowed and Mallards began to sense that maybe, just maybe, the ‘players’ as yet polished performance might be starting to fray.  The illustrious [stand-in – Ed.] skipper was also unfortunate not to take a wicket, finishing with superb figures of 2-1-4-0.

Hopes were raised by Mr Latif (L), his spinning left-arm darts creating opportunities from the Jon Robb benches end and culminating in the wicket of Kent for a well-crafted 19, Mr Latif (L) taking an astonishing caught and bowled chance.  Hopes were lowered by the potty-mouthed Dr Green, his non-spinning right-arm lobs creating fewer chances from the picnic tables end, notwithstanding a mis-hit by Hall that almost trickled onto the stumps and Mr Maltman just failing to hold a difficult catch off new batsman Gilroy at deep midwicket.

Hall fell to new bowler Mr Holland (S), brought on to deliver his accurate right-arm off-breaks from the Jon Rob benches end.  The inspired Mr Latif (L) continued his fine form, taking another difficult catch at mid-on.  Sadly, the task proved too great for even Mr Holland (S), Gilroy and Marks leading Riding Mill CC to their target with some eight overs to spare.  My dear acquaintance Samuel Taylor Coleridge could not have put it better: ‘In Riding Mill did Kubla Khan a stately pleasure dome decree; where runs ran measureless to the boundary and into the sunless sea.’ 

So, beloved Eglantine, back to my literary pursuits at Broomhaugh Towers.  My yearning for a resumption of ‘trade’ with China, via the chaps from Scotswood Road, is now surpassed only by thoughts of Professor Stone.  Will his tumescent ‘blade’ grace Broomhaugh once more? Did he manage to score any decent skag [note from Latif Solicitors: conjecture] whilst bringing Pax Britannica to Montreal? Did Thomas De Quincey really eat opium? Who knows, my darling cousin.  Reply soon, dearest.

Yours bemusedly,

Florence Leglance (Ms)

There isn’t long between this match and my attention being completely diverted by the World Test Championship final, starting tomorrow, so I’d best get this written while I can still concentrate.

This was the rematch of our closely fought, low-scoring thriller against Corbridge a couple of weeks ago. Conditions couldn’t have been more different from last time with bright sunshine and warm temperatures the order of the day. The outfield looked a picture; the recent good weather ensured the pitch would be a good ‘un. The two teams gradually assembled and Corbridge would bat first.

In the absence of regular leader, Buckley, it was decided that Cox should be skipper for the day. The Mallards had obviously been paying attention to recent international cricket developments and realised that pretty much any New Zealander can skipper a team to victory over eleven Englishmen. Cox decided to adopt a mantra for the day: WWKD, What Would Kane Do? (Webmaster note: What’s Harry Kane got to do with anything?)

Dhillon opened the bowling and got things off to a steady start with just one off the first over. Things went quite severely awry in the second over however, as gloveman Beacock dived after Potts’ first ball, speared down the leg side. Slow to get up Beakers was in some trouble, and it was soon clear that his shoulder was out.

There was a break in play while treatment was arranged. Pottsy took charge of the patient, who was soon bundled off to Hexham Hospital, only to be then redirected to the RVI. This effectively left the ‘Lards two men down for the remaining 19 overs. WWKD? This inconvenience wouldn’t ruffle a certain Mr Williamson (Webmaster note 2: Ah, that Kane!), so Cox assigned the keeping duties to Hall and pleaded with the very obliging opposition for a spare fielder to get us up to 10. Close enough.

New Mallard Collins took over the bowling duties to finish Potts’ over, as the game got underway once again. Dhillon and Collins got into their work, but on a big field with a man down, the runs started to flow a bit. Latif replaced Collins for the eighth over and he struck immediately, removing van Doorn caught and bowled off his first ball.

Stone took up the challenge from the Clubroom End in the following over but neither he nor Latif could find another chink in the armour. The score climbed to 88/1 after 11 overs, when Cox, now without Potts or Hall to call on as bowling options, brought himself on. He cunningly conceded enough runs for Corbridge’s Robinson to retire after a classy and powerful innings. Cox burgled the wicket of Watts, T. for a duck as a leading edge carried to Stone.

Ringing more changes, Holland came on and attempted to stem the runs but nothing was quite working for us. Cox picked up another in his third over, bowling Chomse for 5, making it 121/6 in the 16th over. We could be chasing a big total. Stone came back for the 19th and managed to restore a bit of order but it wasn’t until Latif’s fourth over that we took any more wickets, with Rutherford caught by Steel for 10 and Burroughs caught by Collins for nought. Innings closed on 152/5; this would be tough to chase, WWKD?

Realising that our best chance of victory lay with a fast start, Cox opted to open with Steel, to (in the words of McCaffrey) “Give it some welly”. Mallards got off to a decent start, 24/0 after four overs, not quite on the rate but not too bad. This continued till the 8th over when Cox retired on 30. McCaffrey was in at three and looked to continue the good work.

The less said about the run out of Steel the better.

Collins at four, was soon joined by Stone as McCaffrey was caught off the bowling of Watts for just 1. Collins wasted no time as he peppered the boundary to retire on 31 off just 12 balls. Suddenly we were on 89/2 off 11 overs, one run ahead of where Corbridge were at this stage. The unlikely was suddenly possible.

Stone was showing why we call him The Flashing Blade, timing his shots well. Dhillon at 6 though provided the real firepower to keep the innings on track. Five overs to go, we were 128/2 and ahead of the rate. Dhillon retired on an 18-ball 33 with a couple of overs to go, to bring in Holland, who didn’t look at all nervous.

He needn’t have worried, The Flashing Blade had it under control as he guided the fifth ball of the 19th over to the boundary to see us to an excellent victory by a remarkable 8 wickets.

Thoughts immediately returned to our stricken friend, but I’m pleased to report he was back home with his shoulder in place that evening, and is already calculating how he can convince Mrs Beakers to let him return to the fold. Here’s hoping for a speedy recovery so you don’t have to carry around that Mutilated Mallard trophy in your sling.

Lastly, a tip of the hat to Pottsy, ambulance driver extraordinaire, for braving the ridiculous roadworks on the A69 to get Beaks to TWO hospitals. Kane would approve.

All the best things come in fives: The Famous Five; The Jackson Five; Chanel No.5; The Fifth Element (actually scratch that, terrible movie). Anyway, you get the point. Rumour had it that the Mallards had never won five games in a row and with four already in the bag the anticipation of going down in history hung heavy in the air. Though that may have been the cloud cover.

Excelsior Batters were, hopefully, to be the latest victims of this unlikely surge in results though previous form between the two pointed to a close-run thing.

An experimental new partnership of in-form Wilson (the Older) and the always-reliable Malik were despatched to lead the way to a glorious victory by a buoyant stand-in skipper Butcher. But would the weight of expectation prove too heavy? That would be a firm ‘yes.’ Wilson was clean bowled by Glenwright first ball. 0-1.

A few dot balls were needed to steady the Mallards ship so an expert was called for. Wood took centre stage and reeled off 13 of them in his first 15 balls. Malik took the hint and did likewise as the score crept along.  An acceleration was needed and it duly came as 17-1 from 5 overs quickly became34-1 from 7, both batsmen beginning to find form and picking up a lot of quick singles. The fifty partnership came and went (To barely a murmur from the clubhouse so regularly has this happened this season. In the past standing ovations would have resulted.) The score had reached a neatly symmetrical 72 in the 12th over when it was finally broken, Malik unlucky to depart to a fine catch by the keeper off Atkinson, three runs short of retirement on 27. Cox joined Wood and they kept the run-a-ball momentum up until Wood retired on 30 with the score on 88-2 in the 14th.

A pair of glorious fours from Cox saw the 100 up, before he was bowled by a terrific yorker from Roshan for 16. Nitsch came and went quickly for 4, another Glenwright victim, but skipper Butcher and Holland (the Younger) kept their foot on the pedal, both hitting fine boundaries as the total reached a very decent 127-4 after 20 overs. That fifth victory was still a possibility.

As Mallards took to the field, Butcher introduced his cunning plan. Holland (the Younger) and Wilson (the Younger) were despatched to opposite boundaries to patrol the outfield in a way that regular Mallards can only remember seeing through very dusty rose-coloured spectacles.

Excelsior, however, had their own cunning plan and openers Omar and Ifty set off as if in a hurry to get home to catch the tail-end of the Wales game on the telly,  taking 17 off the first two overs. Boyce had other ideas though, and taking umbrage at conceding 11 from his first over he removed both batsmen in his second, clean bowling Omar for a rapid 15 and having Ifty well caught by Wilson (the Younger) for 4 (Skipper Butcher smiled modestly but we all knew he was patting himself on the back on the inside).

Annoyingly, Excelsior had more good batsmen than is normally allowed on a weekday evening and Spencer and Donaghy kept up the earlier momentum , taking the score up to a well-over-par 50 in the sixth over before the latter was clean bowled by the excellent Holland (the Younger) for 9.

Krishnan joined Spencer at the crease and confirmed the away team were in a hurry, hitting three fours in his first four scoring shots as the score raced to 64-3 from just 8 overs. Mallards needed dot balls and wickets from somewhere. That somewhere was called Malik. His first over saw just four runs coming from it and the removal of the excellent Krishnan for 18, another splendid catch under pressure by Wilson (the Younger, obviously, Wilson the Older appeared to be composing rhyming couplets under a distant tree by this stage). Skipper Butcher’s grin got a little broader. As cunning plans go this was right up there with Baldrick’s engraved bullet.

Unfortunately that brought Roshan to the wicket, the latest in Excelsior’s seemingly endless procession of classy batsmen. However, Mallards had their own class act to call on too as Holland (the Older) began his spell at the pavillion end and he and Malik tightened the screw,  just 18 runs coming from the next six overs. Excelsior were suddenly behind the run rate at 83-4 from 14 overs. Was history actually about to be made?

Cox replaced Malik, who finished with 1-10 from his three overs, and, bowling from a short run up, found great bounce. Unfortunately that meant that edges were flying high and the slightly fortunate Roshan eked two boundaries from his fourth over.  As the pressure mounted catches started to go down too, skipper Butcher shelling a couple of tricky skiers and Nitsch marginally failing to catch the ball on the back of his neck. The skipper frowned – it was no time for such party tricks.

Holland (the Older) finished his spell with a magnificent 0-14 from four overs including a vital maiden and the score on 105-4 from 17 overs, 23 needed from three for an Excelsior win. Mallards were now in the box seat, though, worryingly, both batsmen, the hard-hitting Roshan and Spencer, who had anchored the innings, were well-set.

Enter the mighty Nitsch, returning to the fold after a long absence, half the man he was the last time he played. (His lockdown weight-loss plan will soon be available from all good bookshops, I’m sure). Four balls into his first over and both batsmen were un-set. The steadfast Spencer finally out, clean bowled for 21 and the hard-hitting Roshan, magnificently caught by Boyes on the long-off boundary for 18. With only two runs coming from the over the champagne was put on ice. Excelsior now needed 21 from two.

Cox, still grumbling about the missed catches, was in no mood to let them off the hook, conceding just four from his final over to leave Nitsch to finish the job. And finish it he did, bowling Lever for a duck with his second ball to end Excelsior’s resistance. A couple of late, desperate boundaries brought their score up to 109-7 by the end but the game was done.

In a season full of tight finishes and games played in great spirit, Mallards had yet again found a way to win.  When historians come to debate the most famous ‘fives’ of all time this sequence of victories is bound to figure in the conversation. (Following confirmation from the Mallards’ stats man, of course. If it’s only four we’ll move most of this to the next report.)

After a chastening defeat by the same opposition just a couple of weeks ago Mallards were keen to make amends and put on a  much better show this time round. There will have been a few worries that the chance may be denied when the heavens opened  in the Newcastle area mid-afternoon but our friends in “the Mill” assured us it was fine out there and so it was, turning in to a  beautiful summer’s evening, perfect for cricket. I should say from the outset that anyone hoping for a sequel to the last match report between these 2 teams will be sadly disappointed by the lack of German poetry and should also probably seek professional help.

With skipper Buxom still barely able to move due a bad back and refusing all offers to invest some club funds in to various dubious methods to help put it right (I’ll let you use your own imagination) Butcher was once again press-ganged into taking up the mantle and was instantly called to make a decision by winning the toss. Having carefully considered  the overhead conditions, prevailing winds, state of the wicket etc he realised he hadn’t got a clue what it all meant so chose to bat first, based purely on the fact that we had won the last 2 games batting first (sorry for the spoiler if you haven’t read the previous reports) so why not see if it can work again? Regular readers will know that’s  a big if.

Rather than concentrate on a precise sequence of events and loads of numbers I want to highlight the collective effort of the Mallards because as much as it’s cringeworthy and vomit-inducing this really was a night where cricket was the winner and everyone played their part, some obviously more than others but every single player contributed at least 1 run or a wicket with several doing both. Ankush excelled once again with both bat and ball, as did relative newcomer to both Mallards and playing cricket itself, Pottsy who made crucial late order runs with some lovely strokes (so much so the Skipper was lampooned for batting him at 10) and then recovered from a slightly dodgy first over to bowl 3 tight death overs. It was great to see Rob Wilson back in the runs including a thumping pull for 4. Likewise it was nice to see  Trevor Wood in the runs, indeed it was nice to see him play at all considering his ever increasing commitments as the inventor of “Geordie Noir” as author of the hard hitting Jimmy Mullen crime novels. Incidentally “One Way Street” has just hit the shelves of all good book stores(and probably a few craps ones), according to our own resident critic Chris Lucas “ another cracking read, highly recommended” That should be worth a pint next time I see you Trev? (Webmaster note: Cheque’s in the post. You can vote for The Man on the Street for Crime Novel of the year here: https://harrogatetheakstoncrimeaward.com/shortlist-vote/ (other books are available)

Liaquat got  a few runs in the middle order and also took a couple of middle-order wickets. Opening bowlers,  evergreen Tony Cleaver and old Genetics friend but newbie Mallard Jason Boyce accounted for B&W’s very handy opening bats, clean bowling one each and the noticeable improvement in fielding over the last few games continued with commitment all round and catches from Kent, van Doorn and a first of the season for Beakers behind the stumps.

That is not to say everything was perfect, there is always time for some typical Mallardian half-arsery, this time from the Skipper who having just told some poor bystanders how he had matured from the player who used to get so excited just to hit the ball he would invariably run himself out, stood to admire the shot off his first ball before realising it might not got all the way. However, he was so confident there was 2 in it that he neglected to watch the fielder as he turned for the second. If he had bothered to, he would have seen a young man at least half his age comfortably collect the ball and unleash his trebuchet arm to fire the ball hard and low straight to the keeper who ran him out by yards! Another first baller for Butcher but unusually not a duck!

A great all round team effort, combined with a beautiful summer’s evening, wonderful setting, the game being played in a fantastic spirit by both sides, and the obligatory cold beers afterwards really did make for a perfect night’s cricket regardless of the outcome.

Oh, the result?  Mallards won of course – never in doubt!

(Mallards 122 for 7, B&W 118 for8 for those that like the numbers)

Another miserable day – would this be more frustration for the Mallards after the Durham fiasco? No cancellation message appeared, despite heavy rain in Newcastle, and then to everyone’s surprise Gareth sent the confirmation out that the groundsman had cleared the ground as fit for play. The players converged on Corbridge, then circulated the area in search of the elusive pitch – please someone, give us a sign (preferably at the entrance to whichever minor road leads to the ground). Eventually, with some mutual misdirection and near misses, the gallant 10 assembled under dark clouds to find a soft but playable pitch. One short of a full set, but so it turned out was the Corbridge team.

The skippers went out to inspect the wicket, Butcher, our skipper for the night (standing in for the injured Buckley) returning with the news that we were to bat first, and the opposition did not normally employ the “30 and retire” clause. Would this, we wondered, be a key factor in the game?

Openers Hall and Steele strode out to the wicket, which proved to be slow with a frequent low bounce, and the outfield soggy enough to make boundaries very difficult. After a bright start with Hall scoring a single off the first ball, and Steel two twos in succession, Watts found his line, and completed the first over without conceding further runs. 5 for 0 off the first over. The lively Burrows came on for the second over, produced 3 dot balls and then bowled Hall (1).  McCaffery strode purposefully out to the wicket, and two balls later, strode reluctantly back, bowled by Burrows. A double wicket maiden and Mallards 5 for 2 after two overs.

Cox came in to join Steele, and the pair began to build a partnership, but found timing difficult, facing two accurate bowlers. It was 24 for two after 6 overs, then Steele was trapped lbw by Watts with a ball that kept low and he departed for 17. Watts ended his four overs with 1 for 20. Bowman joined Cox at the crease. Burrows, tiring in his final over, lost his line, and went for three wides, three singles and a magnificent 6 by Cox. He ended with 2 for 18 off 4, with Mallards on 39 runs off the first 8 overs, nearly half way through their 18 over innings.

Fleming replaced Watts, and Van Doorn, an occasional Mallard, this time playing for the opposition, replaced Burrows. In Fleming’s second over, Cox, looking to push the score on, played a fine on-drive inches above the ground, only to see a diving Boaden pluck the ball out of the air for a fine catch at long on. Cox departed for 24, to be replaced by Butcher. Two balls later, Bowman was caught off Fleming for five, the bowler finishing his two overs with 2 for 15 and Mallards were 58 after 11. Latif joined Butcher. Van Doorn, from the rugby ground end bowled accurately and kept the batsmen pinned down, as did the anonymous bowler who replaced Fleming, bowling Latif for 0 in his first over. Beacock joined Butcher, and the Mallards were perilously placed at 62 for 6 after 13 overs, with no recognised batsmen left to come. Beacock showed his usual skill at finding fielders when he hit the ball, while Butcher was also having difficulty in getting the ball away. However, helped by a number of extras, a late flurry of singles and a four from Butcher, the score crept up to 80 in the final over with no further loss of wickets, until Butcher, caught in two minds with the last ball was lbw to Thompson for 9. Beacock remained on 4 not out, and the partnership made 18 runs in the last 5 overs. Even on a difficult pitch, this was not a comfortable score to defend.

A quick turn round and a continued heavy cloud cover saw Corbridge begin their innings with Boaden and Pettage, Browne opening the bowling to an attacking field with Cox at first slip and Hall at third. Browne bowled a tight first over conceding a single, Watson going for 3 in his first. After 4 overs the score was 10 for 0, with the batters struggling to time the ball, and both edging through the vacant second slip position. Despite this, thanks to the tight bowling and enthusiastic fielding the Mallards were ahead on run rate (17 off 4) However, Boaden began to find her touch, and the run rate increased. Pottage continued to have difficulty getting the ball away, eventually run out for 2 to a fine throw from Steele. He was replaced by Maude, who was quickly into the runs, and the Mallard’s score began to feel very vulnerable. Browne finished his spell 0 for 19 from four overs, and Watson 0 for 24 for 4. Corbridge were 44 for 1 from 8 overs, ahead of the Mallards run rate, when their captain had a change of mind and decided to call Boaden in to retire on 30, and Maude shortly after, retiring on 20. Boaden’s innings was commendable in the conditions, and Maude was also looking well set. However, the fielding side fought back through Latif and Stone, the new bowlers, who troubled the new batsmen, supported by continued tight fielding.   Chomsey was bowled for 0, and Scott for 5, both by Latif, who had figures of 4 overs 2 for 13, and Stone 0 for 10 from 3. After 15 overs, Corbridge were 69 for 3, needing 12 to win off 18 balls, Burrows on strike with 2 runs to his name, joined by “number seven”, the scorebook not recording the names of the remaining batsmen.

Cox came on to bowl, sportingly opting for a short run because of the poor light. The keeper advanced to the wicket, and both he and the batsman were surprised by the pace – Burrows bowled for 2 off the first ball. 69 for 4! Cox, bowling sharply and accurately completed a wicket maiden to the incoming batsman (“number eight”) – 12 needed of 12 balls. Hall went for 5 in his over and the batsmen ran a bye – 75 off 17 and six needed to win off the last over. On came Cox, accurate as before – two dot balls, a single, a dot ball, a bye. Four needed off the last ball. The batsmen managed a single, Cox finished with figures of two overs, 1 for 2 and Mallards won by two runs in a well played, friendly contest.

Despite having to defend a low score, it was an excellent team effort by the Mallards, with the bowling supported by good keen fielding, and the team continued their encouraging start to the season.

No poet would mind being locked-up, since he would at least have time to explore the treasure house of his memory (Rainer Rilke In James, Clive. 2020.  The Fire of Joy.  London, UK: Picador).

Rilke, like most poets, was a bit of a prick.  Locked-up (down) for the best part of 15 months with little more than Fred Trueman’s Table Top Cricket for company, Mallards were in no mood to recall the difficulty of communion with the ineffable in an age of disbelief: they were ready for cricket.

Enthusiasm wasn’t dented by a few signs of rustiness: Wood claiming to have forgotten how to set a field and Cleaver knocking over Holland’s (S) carefully constructed scoreboard.  The latest in qa long line of novice captains Latif strode to the middle with purpose.  Toss duly lost, he strode back to report that Mallards were to bat first.  Some suggested that batting on the pudding-like pitch might be tricky.  Nerves were calmed by Latif’s deep knowledge of German-language poetry: ‘Keine grosse kunst wurde jemals gemacht, ohne das der kunstler die gefahr gekannt’ (‘No great art has ever been made without the artist having known danger’).  Naturlich, skipper.

The Schloss Duino that is the new clubhouse being off-limits due to pandemic restrictions, the socially distanced Mallards gathered along the football pitch boundary to watch openers Ankush and Steel.  Suitable artistry was displayed by the former, a series of boundaries flowing as Cochrane and fellow opening bowler Hays struggled with the muddy run ups.  Steel brought similar skill, albeit fewer runs (i.e. zero) to an innings stymied by the similarly bemired pitch.  He squelched his way off after spooning a catch to square-leg off Cochrane.

At 17-1 off three overs, Wood sought to sustain the early run-rate: he failed, adding a couple of singles before being caught off the increasingly accurate Cochrane.  Comfort was found in his returning knowledge of field placings, his joy at being (briefly) back at the crease and his love of lyrically intense Austro-Bavarian prose: ‘In der Riding Mill CC, bin ich daheim’ (‘I am at home at Riding Mill CC’).  Wilkommen zuruck, Trevor.

Holland (T) brought some impressive technique to proceedings when he joined Ankush at 23-2.  Unfortunately, a ball from the diminutive Haseem didn’t so much as keep low as tunnel its way into his leg-stump via the quagmire on a length at the Jon Robb benches end: 35-3 after Holland (T) had added a brave 6.  The talismanic Ankush became Haseem’s next victim, falling for an impressive 24 after Thompson took a smart catch at mid-off.  36-4 off eight overs.  ‘Grosse scheisse’, as Rilke might have said.

The run-rate was now to become as stodgy as the pitch, with Wilson plodging his way to the middle and failing to trouble the scorers (bowled by Haseem).  Das Karussel continued as Lucas fended off some determined deliveries and mud-splatters before falling for another duck to Hays, returning to bowl from the picnic tables end.  42-6 off 12 overs didn’t bother the implacable Latif: his advice to new batsman Green to ‘Lass dir das leben passieren.  Glauben sie mir: das leben ist immer im recht’ (‘Let life happen to you.  Believe me: life is in the right, always’) seemed reasonable.  Green’s reaction to Draper’s bowling was less rather less sanguine, charging down the wicket and then charging off the field, stumped by Smith for 7.

Flights in and out of Newcastle Airport had now been grounded by Draper’s extraordinary donkey-droppers, the parabola of which had not been seen since Taylor’s last appearance for Mallards.  Latif sought to balance the need to see out the 20 over-innings with increasing the run-rate.  He achieved neither, fifty-odd for 7 became something or other for 8 after he was distracted by the contradiction of Rilke’s transitional position between the traditional and modernist oeuvres, a ball from Draper falling out of orbit to plop its way past his bat.  Solace was provided by the symmetry of also being stumped by Smith for 7, with the skipper suggesting that ‘Ruhm is nur die summe der misverstandnisse, die sich um einen namen sammeln konnen’ (‘Fame is only the sum total of misunderstandings that can gather around a name’).  Gut gesagt, Liaquat.

Hopes rose as new batsmen Holland (E) brought superb energy and no little skill to splash his way to 5, including a superb four off Bateman.  Hopes fell as Bateman got his revenge with a jaffa, bowling Holland (E) from the Jon Robb benches end.  Cleaver put aside his postmodernist critique of Rilke’s juxtaposition of Ovidian transformation and biblical allusion in Sonnets to Orpheus to join the redoubtable Holland (S).  Battling their way to 2 not out and 5 not out, respectively, they saw off some accurate bowling from Haseem and Bateman.  The score crawled its way from sixty-odd for 9 to close at 73-9 off 20 overs.

Undaunted by Benwell & Walbottle’s plan to ‘knock this off in ten overs’ but faced with defending a somewhat modest total, Mallards were buoyed by Steel’s words of encouragement: ‘Das schicksal selbst ist wie ein wunderbarer breiter wandteppich, in dem jeder faden von einer unaussprechlichen zarten hand gefuhrt wird’ (‘Destiny itself is like a wonderful wide tapestry in which every thread is guided by an unspeakable tender hand’).  Well, that and the prospect of an early start at the Wellington.

Cleaver opened up from the picnic tables end, keeping things tight and periodically shedding layers of clothing until the increasingly burdened Steel declared himself to be ‘Tony’s clothes-horse’.  Or was it ‘Tony’s wankenstander?’  Holland (E) worked up some good pace from the Jon Robb benches end, showing great commitment in the face of sound defence from openers Harrington and Smith.

Remarkably, both bowlers began to extract some bounce from the pitch and, particularly by Holland (E), some movement through the air.  Buoyed by the efforts of their opening bowlers and the changing conditions, Mallards sensed that the muddy tide might have turned.  ‘Der fruhling ist zuruckgekehrt.  Die Erde ist wie ein kind, das dedichte kennt’ (‘The Earth is like a child that knows poems’) remarked Wilson.  Cleaver’s suggestion that Wilson was ‘sprechen verdammte blodsinn’ proved to be correct: the reality that batting might, in fact, be made easier by the drying pitch and the setting sun (previously dazzling when trying to pick up Draper’s astonishing loopers from the picnic tables end) began to be borne out.  A few from some became rather more from a few more as both batsmen began to score steadily, with boundaries being added to frequent singles.  Cleaver and Holland (E) fashioned the occasional chance, with Harrington somehow keeping out a superb yorker from Holland (E) and TC being unlucky that ‘keeper Wood was so enraged by his failure to detect the obvious eye-rhyme in the fourth line of Geschicten vom Lieben Gott that he contrived to drop a (difficult) chance off Smith.

Spirited work from Wilson, Lucas and Holland (T) in the field helped to contain some of the scoring.  England’s Euro 2020 (2021) squad can only benefit from Wilson’s footballing skills; Lucas’s athleticism may well secure a place in the GB 2020 (2021) Olympic diving squad; Major League Baseball surely beckons for Holland (T), with one laser-like throw nearly decapitating a surprised Ankush.

Skipper Latif, tiring of his copy of Letters to a Young Poet, brought on Holland (S) and the just about intact Ankush.  The former’s right-arm darts and the latter’s accurate medium-pace slowed the run-rate, but could not prevent the inevitable: both openers reached the compulsory retirement score of dreissig runs and left to well-deserved applause from Mallards, team-mates and from Dunhill, recently arrived to lock-up the Schloss Duino.  Checking CricViz’s win predictor, Dunhill suggested that with Benwell & Walbottle on 71-0 (2 retired) off 12 overs, Mallards might still be in with a chance of a win.  A 1.28% chance, but still a chance…

Given fresh impetus by Dunhill and by Cleaver’s dramatic reading from The Notebooks of Malte Laurids Brigge, Latif set a ‘ring field’ and implored his fans of Teutonic mystical lyricism to ‘show some verdammte Hoden’.  Testicles duly (but metaphorically, thankfully) displayed, Mallards set about new batsmen Mail and Mowbray with renewed vigour.  Holland (S) got one of them out at some point in the 13^th over, although the scorebook fails to disclose which: Benwell & Walbottle’s scorer, no doubt, taking issue with Cleaver’s failure to develop an effective synthesis of Rilkean and Brechtian modes of analysis.  Brecht, being a Marxist and, therefore, a right fotze, would have approved; Holland (S) did not.  Another batsmen came in and scored the winning single by just about clearing the despairing Holland (T) at short mid-wicket.  ‘Die einzige reise ist die innerhalb’ (‘The only journey is the one within’) said Steel.  ‘Falsch’ (‘Wrong’), replied Cleaver; ‘Who fancies a pint in the Wellington?’

During our recent winter of discontent, this country’s cricket tragics found many clever and unusual ways of keeping the wolves of insanity from the door. Shadow batting in full kit, Twitter-based dice cricket tournaments, all sorts of surrogates were found to get us through the winter’s isolation. All of this however, was backed on a solid belief that come summer the sun would shine and all would be well with the world again. The mind’s eye saw cloudless skies, manicured emerald-green outfields and every cover drive timed to perfection.

Unfortunately in the cold grey light of… well… summer, the reality has been quite a bit wetter, with three games out of five so far having been lost to rain. Last week for instance showed just how much rain can fall on Durham in an evening. Tonight, however was different, the clouds had parted and it looked like we might get a game in. Cautiously we assembled at the ground to take on Riding Mill for the first time this year. This fixture has become known informally as the Wellington Trophy, though there is no actual hardware involved.

Whilst the rain had abated, it had left its mark, with a number of damp patches on the pitch and what would prove to be a sluggish outfield. This did not matter as it was a game of cricket, finally! The skippers tossed up and we would bat first. The number of overs was limited to 18 due to threats of rain later in the evening.

Openers Ankush and Cox took up the challenge with the former wasting no time, nailing two sixes in the first over. His power didn’t last though, holing out in the second over for 13. Hamid joined Cox and the pair began cautiously with the two-tone pitch making timing difficult and the slow outfield making finding the boundary difficult. However the two worked the singles effectively and kept the score moving.

As they became used to the conditions the rate of scoring increased a little until the 12th over when Cox went 6-4 in consecutive deliveries to retire on 33 with the score on 82, an excellent partnership of 69. Hamid reached his 30 soon after and we were well set at 85/1 after 13 overs and well set for a decent score. The incoming batsmen however didn’t have the luxury of time to play themselves in and Riding Mill’s slower bowlers were proving quite effective on this track. The unpredictable bounce combined with appreciable turn meant that runs came at the rate of around three an over for the last five overs.

McCaffery made a duck, Steel at 5 was timing the ball well but was thwarted by the slow outfield before being bowled by a big turning delivery by Terry.  Butcher at 6 found timing the ball difficult but remained not out on 5. Latif was caught for 1 trying some late-innings hitting. In all Mallards finished on 101/4, not the score that it could have been and we would have to work hard to defend it.

After the turnaround, the Mill’s openers began brightly as our bowlers, Browne and Hamid,took an over or two to find their radars. However in the 5th over, with the score on 29, Browne beat Kent’s defences and started a fightback. Mallards needed some quiet overs to put the pressure back on the batting side. Starting to ring the changes, Latif and Cox replaced Hamid and Browne. Both were able to control the rate effectively, Cox removed the opener Collins, well caught by Browne, before Latif’s spin did for Terry.

This made the score 46/3 after 11 overs, our noses (bills?) slightly in front but still needing to maintain pressure. Latif finished with 3-0-10-1 and Cox with 3-1-5-1 and then came Ankush. His first ball trapped Dhillon in front for 9, and his second clean bowled Steel-Morris for a golden duck. Fantastic stuff, it was now 57/5 and the pitch wasn’t getting any easier. At the other end, Holland followed a maiden in his second over with the wicket of Raza, snared by a fine tumbling take by Ankush at gully.

All the time, the required run rate was climbing, then when Ankush ran out Marks off his own bowling for 20, it got harder. With just one over to go, the score was 79/7 and with 23 runs required off the last over, it was in the bag.

Right?

Butcher had the honour of bowling the final over and started well with three runs and the wicket of Willis (caught by Latif) from the first three balls. 82/8, 20 needed off the last three. Thacker was on strike for ball four and sent it sailing over long on for six. The fifth hit the sightscreen and the sixth was the biggest hit of the lot, disappearing over the neighbours fence to finish the innings on an even 100, meaning a one run win for the Mallards. An excellent performance in the field, keeping the runs down whilst picking up regular wickets.

On a beautiful sunny evening that totally belied the freezing cold temperatures, two bastions of the midweek friendly cricket match met in Tynemouth to lock horns in battle.

The two captains (only one an actual King’s School Old Boy*) strode out to the middle for the toss and, as is customary, Mallards lost that and KSOB chose to bat first. Skipper Buxom donned the wicket-keeper attire (if only as a method of keeping warm) and Mallards opened with Cleaver from the tennis courts end and I Watson from the Collingwood Monument end. KSOB opened with P Coyne & N Ivill and Coyne who wasn’t in any mood to hang around, hitting 2 fours off Cleaver’s first over. Neville (N Ivill) was more content to support Coyne as well as seemingly want to dig to Australia as he kept marking his guard before every delivery he faced. I think the guard on middle stump was at least 2 inches below ground level by the time he’d finished!!

Both Cleaver and Watson managed to keep it relatively tight, with only the occasional stoppage to go ball-hunting for the odd boundary that went down the slopes that are just past the boundary on two sides of the ground. Those that didn’t go ball-hunting did a couple of laps of the 200m running track that surrounds the batting square to keep warm. Coyne retired on 30 not out in the first 8 overs whilst Cleaver finished on 4-0-27-0 and I Watson on 4-0-21-0, both bowlers keeping it neat and tidy while also beating the outside edge on a few occasions, unlucky not to get a nick or two.

Browne came on from the tennis courts end to replace Cleaver and struck with his 3^rd delivery, clean bowling Neville the Quarrier for 15, who jumped out of the way of the ball which hit leg stump about 2/3rds of the way up. Latif replaced Watson and both M Menton and D Weston went after him, with 11 runs coming off his first over. He brought it back though off his next 2 overs though, going for only a further 13 runs but also getting the wicket of Weston who got a top edge which was snaffled by keeper Buckley in short square leg area. Browne was keeping it lovely and tight at the tennis courts end, with only Buckley allowing some byes go through him marring the bowling. Browne finished with 4-0-10-1 with Latif finishing on 3-0-24-1.

Butcher replaced Latif and, in his spell, Bedford was run out for a duck after some sharp fielding from Hall who picked the ball up in gulley and threw it to Buckley who took the bails off with Bedford a fair distance out of his ground. Holland took the last over from the tennis courts end with both bowlers keeping it fairly tight, some good fielding from Mallards and they finished with 2-0-8-0 for Butcher and 1-0-3-0 for Holland. KSOB finished on 108-3 off the 18 overs, which was a chaseable target for sure.

Mallards began their reply with G Steel (a welcome return) and A Hall opening the batting with 12 runs coming off the first over, delivered by I Black. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that many runs come from an entire spell of Black’s bowling, never mind just one over! T Jackson took the 2^nd over from the Collingwood Monument end and, after a single from Steel, managed to clean-bowl Hall for just 7 after Hall had played his shot a good 3 days before the ball reached him.

McCaffery came in at number 3 and was back in the hutch shortly after for just 2 runs, controversially given out caught behind off Black with The Cat adamant he’d not hit it, and the sound was that of him hitting the pads with his bat, not the ball. Mr Lucas came in at number 4 and gave a bit of support to Steel but was soon caught by Weston off the bowling of Black after going for a bigger shot. Mallards were now 18-3 after just 5 overs.

Skipper Buxom came in at number 5 and, after giving himself a handful of deliveries to get his eye in, started off a partnership with Steel that saw the runs start to flow again. Boundaries and extras started to come with the new bowlers (Anderson and Stewart) who’d replaced Black (4-1-20-2) and Jackson (4-0-6-1) giving more scope to the batsmen to score runs. Buckley carefully used his “one shot” when required and the score quickly moved on from 28-3 after 8 overs to 55-3 just 4 overs later. Steel even had time to hit the wicket with his face after unluckily tripping over whilst on a run, the score was increasing that quickly.  After another 2 overs, the score had moved on to 70-3 leaving Mallards just another 39 to get to win the game off 4 overs. Buckley retired on 31 after hitting another 4 bringing Mr Butcher to the crease. Both Stig and Steel continued where Buxom had left off and kept the runs flowing with another 18 coming off the next 2 overs, Steel eventually retiring on 31 but Butcher unfortunately being run out going for a second instead of accepting just the single, the right mentality to have Mr B!! Holland and Latif came to the wicket and Holland suffered the same fate as Butcher, being run out by a direct hit going for a second instead of accepting the single. Latif was quickly bowled by K Menton soon after for just one, leaving Browne and Cleaver to take us to victory. However, despite a couple of singles between the pair of them and a mighty 4 from Browne, Mallards fell just short of their target scoring 101-6 off their 18 overs. Close, but no shortage of effort from all eleven Mallards this evening.

*may not actually be true but the captain of Mallards this evening is definately a former KSOB and was undercover for Mallards doing  his line of duty.

P.S. Apologies to all Mallardians who had to put up with the Skipper’s nostalgic reminiscences about playing sport here as a child!!

Brilliant, the cricket season is finally upon us,  the smell of cut grass and the thwack of leather on willow, some things will never change, well, err apart from the fist bumps instead of the usual start of season hearty handshake between reacquainted team mates, the changing room pre-match banter swapped for players turning up already kitted out, the persistent smell of hand sanitiser and some would say, most importantly of all, the inability to retire to a cosy pub for the post-match debrief.

However, this is the new normal and who needs a cosy pub when we have the new and improved/still improving Riding Mill club house, complete with telly, pool table and most importantly a massive fridge full of beer! Old friend and team mate Jon Rob would definitely have approved so it felt fitting to kick off the season with the first of 2 Jon Robinson cup games against Genetics, an early chance to get our hands on some silver ware!

Skippers Buckley (usually of this Parish but this evening in his other Captaincy role for Genetics) and Butcher walked out to the middle bathed in sunshine and after pretending to inspect the pitch in a vain attempt to convince any onlookers that he knew what he was doing Butcher duly made that irrelevant by losing the toss. Mallards were invited to bat first and with nearly a full compliment of players already arrived over15 minutes before the scheduled start both skippers agreed to try and get in an ambitious 20 overs a side.

Ankush and Kenty opened proceeding and Ankush obviously had somewhere else to be as he knocked off 33 off 10 balls to retire with the score 41 after 3 overs with young Edmundsen taking most of the punishment. McCaffrey was next in and was soon on his way back to the open air changing room for 1. Coxy joined Kenty and the scoring slowed a little as both played watchfully against some decent bowling from Gardner, Richardson, the evergreen Taylor (Brian not Gareth!) and then Bennett and Tarbuck as Genetics chose to give everyone 2 overs. Kenty fell on 25 in the 10^th caught at mid off (or was it on?), 82 for 2 off 10. This soon became 93 for 4 as a couple of wickets then fell in friendly-fire action, firstly blue on blue as Bennett won the Riding Mill bragging rights by bowling Thacker for 1 and then green and yellow on green and yellow (doesn’t work as well!) as Cox was caught off the bowling of Mallard loanee Latif for 25. Butcher was left to steady the ship and promptly called Beacock through for a second run that was never on leaving Beaks to be run out by nearly half a pitch! Watson(A) was then bamboozled by what your reporter will generously call a slightly over pitched ball by Bully that Andy somehow under edged on to his stumps, I think it is fair to say that had DRS been in operation he may well have called for a review on the basis of height! At the other end Butcher managed to get a  bat on a few of Bully’s (slightly) straighter balls and eke out a few more runs as the light began to fade. Once Stone had fallen to Bully (who finished with the remarkable figures of 2 for 17) and last man Cleaver strode to the crease (with Ankush still padded up – he’s played for Mallards before!) both skippers agreed to cut the innings short to 18 overs in attempt to complete the match. TC hit a lovely leg glance for 2 which left him as 5^th highest scorer with Butcher finishing on 24 not out and the final score 130 for 8 off 18.

A quick turn around saw Cleaver (who else?!)and Watson open the bowling against Genetics openers P McCarthy and veteran Gardner. TC’s second over got a little punishment but 26 off 4 was a tidy start with Watson going for just 6 off his 2 overs and denied a wicket by Butcher grassing a simple catch at mid-off! Following on from Genetics lead, Mallards spread the bowling round and Cox and Browne then took over bowling duties with differing fortunes, Browne struggling to find his length and going for a few while Coxy bowled beautifully accounting for both openers and finishing with 2 for just 1 run off his 2 overs. 59 for 2 off 8 became 59 for 4 off 9 as Stone (AKA The Flashing Blade) replaced Cox and bettered Coxy’s wicket maiden with a double-wicket maiden, bowling occasional Mallard Greenwood and then exacting some revenge for Coxy by trapping Mallard regular Latif lbw, both for ducks. However the wickets now dried up as new batsmen Edmundsen and occasional Mallard (there’s a theme here!) Bennett made light of the rapidly fading light while the fielders made harder work of it! Stone finished with 2 for 5 while McCaffrey went for 16 off his 2 leaving the score 94 for 4 after 14, 37 required off 4, surely defendable? However with 2 good batsmen well set and Butcher still to bowl 2 overs after his specialist death bowler Kenty declared himself unfit to bowl, it was in the balance!  Edmundsen retired on 33 but there was no respite for Mallards as the young eyes of Richardson coped very well with the poor light and continually clipped Butchers best efforts to long on where ball magnet McCaffery did excellently to save the boundaries but couldn’t stop the young’un running a succession of 2s. Ankush and Liam kept things tight but after 17 overs the score was 123 for 4 (Mallards were 123 for 8). It couldn’t be tighter, the scorers desperately began searching for the rules, were we in for a super over?……… Were we F***?! Even if we did have a rulebook no one could have read it by then and there was no bloody chance of getting another 2 overs in! Genetics proved this to be a moot point anyway by knocking off the runs with a ball to spare. Disappointing  to lose such a close match but as always the game was played in a great spirit and after handing the John Rob cup to Buxom with only slightly gritted teeth, the skipper and the rest of the Mallards got their hands a couple of bottles of excellent beer instead! Roll on the rest of the season and Jon Rob Cup part 2 in August.

Cheers Jon, sleep well.