Riding Mill emerged from a cloud like the backdrop from Carry On Up The Baskervilles. A rag-tag huddle congregated in front of the club-house with the air of a group of surly teenagers preparing for a compulsory November route march, wondering why they were there after having spent all day checking the unpromising weather forecast.

In a moment of decisiveness, Stig rallied the troops into action and a shortened game of 14 overs was agreed, with McCaffery winning the toss and sending Mallards into bat. Kent and Ankush squelched on to the field of play with a reduced retirement of 20 runs, and set about their business. Both found the boundary elusive, with the ball sticking in the damp wicket. Either that or they were just running them up to keep warm. The first boundary came from Ankush in the 5th over when he used the bowler’s pace to hit a six down the ground and off the sight screens. In the 8th over an apparently impatient Kent retired on 20 by hitting two consecutive boundaries, bringing skipper McCaffery into the fray alongside Ankush with the score on 45.

This partnership inched the score onwards with Ankush getting to retirement through ones and twos, and on a total of four off nine balls, Colin found a safe place for his last delivery in the bowler Anderson’s hands to bring on Dave Cox at number four. 61 for 1 after 11 overs. Just three to go and Mallards needed to someone to kick on and build an innings to finish on a respectable total.

However, with a sense of inevitability, the middle order batsmen were unable to get a toe-hold, and despite Liam Thacker’s first ball boundary there followed a mini collapse, with Liam out for a total of seven, bowled by Willet. Watson managed one before being bowled by Latimer. On his second delivery Stig also succumbed to Latimer, at which point Peter Nitsch brought his experience to the table with a creditable 6* off 5 balls. The innings closed at 71, with Coxy having played an elusive cameo, managing to evade strike for almost his entire time on the square and finishing on 0* having faced only three deliveries in as many overs. KSOB were going to need just over 5 runs per over for victory.

There was a quick innings break with the fielding side desperate find some warmth, and the batting side eager to run around a bit to find some circulation. Skipper McCaffery sensibly opened the bowling with Liam Thacker who kept things tight for the first over, but then somewhat less sensibly opted for Holland at the other end, who by some miracle kept 6 deliveries on the track and mercifully only went for six. Thacker continued in good form with his second over a maiden, whilst Holland’s second over was somewhat more expensive at 8 runs, doubling the KSOB score to 16.

KSOB batsmen Simpson and Ivill continued to accrue runs from change bowlers Cox and Watson, with the former taking some tap, going for 15 off his two overs. At some point during this period Simpson retired on 20, although the cryptic markings in the scorebook shed little light on this moment. The next key event was the run out of N Ivill just one run shy of retiring, and during Watson’s third, final and maiden over. The score at this point was 42 for 1 with 10 overs bowled. Could we protect the remaining 29 runs for 4 overs? Read on…

Peter Nitsch had joined the bowling fray at this point, with 6 from his first over, and now continued with the first two balls going for one each. So far so good, a cushion of 27 runs remaining. However this brought Latimer to the striker’s end, and he decided to change gears scoring first a two, followed by a boundary four and a single to bring Ferris into strike. Nitsch had evidently had enough by this point, exacting a degree of revenge by clean bowling Ferris and sending him back to clubhouse to close the over. 51 for 2 after eleven overs.

It was a welcome wicket, but with 21 runs required from 18 deliveries, what the Mallards needed now was for some really tight, accurate bowling to keep the batsmen pinned back in their creases. In a brave and unorthodox move Skipper Col decided to roll the dice by throwing the ball to Haylock, presumably aiming to dazzle the opposition with a dash of mystery spin. The mind games began with a couple pitched wide to lull Latimer into a false sense of security. With the next ball he fell right into Haylock’s trap by wildly thrashing at the ball, only to find the boundary for four runs.

So often with spin bowlers, batsmen follow boundaries with hubris driven self-destruction. Not this time though, as Latimer swung with conviction to send the ball flying into the nettles for six. He followed this with yet more incautious play to find the boundary again, and before he knew it he was on the way back to clubhouse having retired on 22. New man Bedford was not tempted into such look-at-me histrionics, and dotted out the remainder of an over which had seen the score move up 68 for 2. Gulp…

Suddenly only 4 required from 12 balls, but safe-pair-of-hands Nitsch returned to the action, and despite his best efforts Peffer and Bedford managed to nudge and nurdle three more runs leaving the game tied with an over remaining. In came the field, and in came Ankush. First ball dotted and the Mallards began to believe.

Could we hold on for a glorious tie? No of course not. The next ball went for an indeterminate number of runs as everyone immediately lost interest and, fog-lights and windscreen wipers engaged, headed for hypothermia treatment down the Wellington to dream of summer’s golden evenings, and the first win of the season.

This assignment was given me in the time-honoured way.  Getting out of my car in a shady parking area behind the Wellington, I was seized from behind and forced, face down, onto the car bonnet.

‘Your turn, match report!’ hissed someone holding a bat across the back of my neck. ‘That clear?’

‘Errr…, but I’m about to go on holiday’

‘New skipper’s orders – all leave is cancelled’.

A fairly ordinary day in Brexit Britain, I reflected, as I dabbed at my bleeding nose and went to join team members seated outside the pub. It dawned on me, as the falling evening temperature slowed the circulation and thus staunched the blood flow, that the hierarchy’s insistence on always sitting outside was probably connected to this effect.  Cancelling a holiday that my wife had organised was the scarier of the options facing me, so I took the risk and went off to ‘the continent’ – wearing my badge of 12 gold stars on a blue background, and (of course) my Mallards CCC green baggy.

Time flies when you are sheltering from the rain in pubs and bars, and now, here in Dunkerque (from where our last withdrawal from Europe took just a few days), I have the problem of recalling what the hell happened at Riding Mill on 16 May?   In a desperate search for inspiration I think of a marvellous book by M.N. Srinivas, The Remembered Village (OUP, 1976).  Mallardian teammates will of course be familiar with this masterly work, containing insights into rural commercialisation processes and concepts of peasant rationality.  Its anthropologist author lost several years’ worth of collected materials to an arsonist, and was forced to write the 356-page tome largely from memory.

Seated in Le Moule Rit, Malo-les-Bains, looking over ‘the beach’, I am playing for time, and seeking further inspiration.  Belgian-style local beers should do the trick.  (I’ve always argued that, for success, the Remain case needed only to display posters of these brews).  I have before me a bottle of La Chouffe – spicy, with bready notes and touches of coriander and lemon.  This golden, robust (8%) brew from Brasserie d’Achouffe is named after the Chouffe gnomes of the Ardennes mountains.  The magical gnomes ran their own brewery for many years, until the brewery was destroyed.  Fortunately, one of them passed on the recipe to the founders of Brasserie d’Achouffe.

Yes, the picture is becoming clearer…

It was a day when if you stood with your back to the cold breeze from the coast, the bright sunshine would warm your face (and make it hard to see the ball).  The match start-up rituals were accompanied by cheerful cacophonic birdsong.   Any observer taking his place on the splendid John Rob seat surveyed a Riding Mill sports ground in simply splendid condition.

Let’s pause first to set the match in context.  Mallards was struggling to find form in the early season, making a match against the Excelsior team very timely.  Its record against the Batters over the past six seasons was roughly in proportion to the share of Tories willing to throw away Scotland and Northern Ireland, in order to send the country into chaos: P9 W6 L3.  But… which Mallards would turn up on the day – the ‘comically inept’ one or the ‘surprisingly average’ crew?

Opener Hamid Malik started slowly against steady bowling, taking only six singles off the first 16 deliveries he faced. He then struck a four.  He must have regretted such rash action, and proceeded to post a batch of eight successive singles, before cutting loose with some boundaries to earn a rest with 33 against his name.  His early partners, the flamboyant Ankush (lbw for 2), gritty McCaffrey (bowled, 2) and phlegmatic Nistch (bowled, 6), made little headway, but skipper Buckley steadied the ship, striking four boundaries in a brisk 25, before a rap on the pads caused his departure.  The rest of the batting did not amount to much: Greenwood contributed 6, but the Doub’yas – Wood, Watson and Wilkinson – accumulated only three runs between them, and Stone somehow contrived not to get the team to three figures.  The Mallards final score – a respectable, if eminently gettable, 99-9 – was achieved with the aid of 18 extras.

More help is needed, I think, with accessing my episodic memory… The retrieval process is running up against the problem of distraction or divided attention at the very point of memory encoding.  (It should be noted that my deficiency here is nothing out of the ordinary – the problem of distraction or divided attention has always existed within the Mallards, whether batting, bowling or fielding).  Nothing else for it but another elixir to hopefully induce a relaxed state and enable better access to memory items… Vedett Extra Blond is selected. Brewed by Duvel Moortgat, this pale yellow brew (5.2%), with a distinctly dry finish, has both malt and hoppy aromas, fruity tones, and hints of vanilla.

Now, back to 16 May…

The Batters reply was somewhat flat, as Liam Thacker and Andy Watson tore into them in the blinding low sunlight.  Greenwood, sharply stumped the opener Sharrif, as the Mallard quicks consigned six of the opposition back to the pavilion (three ducks) with only 17 showing on the board (eventually).  The pace men each took three wickets (3-7 and 3-10 respectively), with Watson actually managing to break a bail (He should be aware that the Treasurer will no doubt be sending him an invoice for this property damage, under the new regime’s funding model).  From then on, the skipper did not for one moment consider withdrawing his boot from the throat of the opposition.  Only two of the opposition batsmen were allowed to make any impression: Davidson reaching 10, and Wilkinson (batting no. 10), top-scoring with 18.

First change bowler, Stone, bowled a surprisingly high proportion of his deliveries on or around the off stump, giving keeper Greenwood little opportunity to demonstrate his athleticism down the leg side.  Only three byes were conceded during the innings, and sponsors of his distinctive protective headgear (which, I’m informed, simultaneously plays Radio 6 music) will certainly be happy.  Ankush and Nitsch weighed in with a wicket each at the end, to see Excelsior (who suffered from only having ten players) dismissed for 54 (including 10 extras) in just 15.3 overs. The 45–run victory was quick, clinical and ruthless – and the most comprehensive win in terms of runs against this particular opposition since 2013.

After a slow and faltering start, the Mallards registered an emphatic win, and by 8.30pm the team were imbibing their cold beers, in bracing conditions outside the Wellington.  Already, every ball bowled had become faster and more unplayable, and every shot executed had the poise and power of anything served up by an England captain.  Needless to say, dropped catches and mis-fields were, by now, ‘quarter-chances’ or ‘simply impossible’.  In the divided and diminished shambles that is Britain in 2019, one of its hallowed and enduring institutions, Mallards CC, had demonstrated that out of chaos can emerge a spark of capability and hope for the future. At least for a few days….

Here’s another tip to the selection committee, when you select a side, make sure it has at least one schmuck [ahem] willing and able match reporter in the ranks, otherwise you end up doing it yourself.

With rains of biblical proportion forecast for the next few days, the weather gods at least provided a small window of opportunity to get a game in. With a Mallards team full of players who love to get as many games in as possible (i.e. they’ll play for anyone), it looked like a strong showing was in the offing. However the much anticipated face-off before the start between VC Colin “Give it the Heeet” McCaffery and VC Stig “Strictly carrots & humous for me” Butcher failed to happen, as Butcher declared himself injured after doing something rigorous in the lake district fells and completely ignored doctor’s orders to consume a significant amount of malt whisky to speed up his recovery.

Arriving late, your reporter has no idea if McCaffery won the toss or not, only the observation that Mallards were already in the field about to start – albeit without a match ball, which was quickly rectified. By the time I had got changed the first wicket had fallen 3 balls into the innings, apparently a stunning catch taken by Hall (well that’s what Ally told me) at mid-wicket off the bowling of Thacker (coming down the hill) for a duck. In fact, both openers bowled well with Watson providing an able foil running up the hill to restrict Benwell & Walbottle to just 30 runs off the first 8 overs.

Casting around for replacement bowlers, McCaffery turned to Malik and Gibbons. Hamid bowling down the hill had a torrid first over going for 25 runs, with batsman Davey taking a liking to what he was being served up with – the score almost doubling in the space of 1 over. Meanwhile Gibbons claimed the second of the wicket of the evening, a floated up one that removed Horbury for just 4 in his first over.

McCaffery’s faith in his change bowlers was rewarded at one end with Hamid going for just 5 runs off his subsequent 3 overs, and the clean bowled removal of opener Jenkinson senior who created pressure for himself by inextricably deciding to try and cream every delivery to the boundary having being content to nurdle the previous 10 overs. That may have had something do with the fact that Jenkinson junior was now at the crease and a need to set an example. However, Jenkinson junior needed no role model and decided that Gibbons bowling was to his liking, leaving Patrick with the unflattering and definitely not deserved 1 for 41 off his 4 allotted overs.

With the score on 101 off 16 overs the skipper turned to try and find two final bowlers to see out the innings. Taylor had previously having expressed an opinion that he would try turning his arm over for an over if there really no other option and he could bowl down the hill. With not much other choice, McCaffery took the plunge and in a pique of clemency allowed Taylor to trundle down the hill. He immediately made an impact allowing Jenkinson junior to hit a 4 and become the second retiree of the evening on 31 not out. However, that cunning piece of guile also brought it rewards, somehow tying up an end and being rewarded with the wicket of Bateman for 3 bowled by one that made Stig’s “even slower” ball look decidedly pacey. Wilkinson bowled a tidy over from the downhill end and encouraged by the previous one from Taylor he was invited to bowl again.

First ball a dot, then an ambitious drive to mid-off was safely pouched by Ally Hall, running around to his left to remove Brown for 9. In comes skipper Draper only to be clean bowled by one that hovered for about half a second in front of the off stump before deciding to hit it. A rare hat-trick was on. Taylor asked for a moderately attacking field, with McCaffery in at short mid-off. Delivery made and the ball is driven low-but-straight into the normally reliable hands of the skipper only to bounce straight back out in-front of an aghast Taylor’s eyes. Robbed I tell you!! Two rubbish balls to finish the over with remarkable figures of 3 for 11, but it so could have been 4 for 5. Give me a season or seven and I may forget.

Set 128 to win (could have been more if it hadn’t been for some excellent keeping by Beacock), Kent and newcomer Zahid strode out to bat brimming full of confidence. However, there is a definite knack to setting a field at Walbottle and the home team have it and Mallards don’t. Shots that should have whizzed to the boundary instead found a conveniently placed fielder for just a single. This got all too much for Zahid, who having just hit a glorious first boundary of the innings, perished clean bowled to one that nipped back for just 6. With skipper McCaffery in next, attempts to up the tempo failed thanks to some tight bowling, the aforementioned field placings and a general refusal to take fielder’s arms on – something that the B&W lads had been particularly good at.

McCaffery, having just hit a single that bounced 6 feet short of the boundary into the waiting hands of a fielder, perished with a shot to the safe hands of mid-off for 3. Now Ally Hall has been making noises this season that he is finally going to attend an MCC end of season dinner, now that he’s realised the value of the trophies on offer. With two good catches in the match already likely to put him on the shortlist for swoop fielder, he decided to go after the most coveted trophy of all, clean bowled by a beauty for a second ball duck. Now normally the skipper would be upset by this, but as the current holder of that particular trophy, he seemed at ease that someone else was making an early bid to take it from him.

Thacker and Malik made slow but steady progress, but by the end of the 10^th over Mallards still needed 99 to win. Thacker perished for 5 (singles), caught by Jenkinson senior at mid-wicket. Replacing him was Watson, who under clear instructions to “hit out or get out” followed the instruction to the letter with a quickfire 30 runs in 19 balls before retiring on 30 not out with just 14 balls to go (worth noting Malik, comfortable in the anchorman role, scored a modest 7 in the same time). However, the writing was on the wall, 50 runs were needed and Hamid had an average to play for. Gibbons valiantly tried to ensure that Malik had the majority of the strike, but in the end, it was all over with Mallards on a respectable, but sadly considerably short, 96 for 5, Malik finishing with 18 off 31 balls.

Beer, cider & other soft drinks were consumed in the club bar after, the consensus verdict of the forensic post-match analysis (which lasted all of 30 seconds) was that we should have made three figures and that certain people need to push their first run a bit quicker, or maybe it was that we’re all getting too old to be running up slopey wickets. In the meantime I’m looking into the logistics of how we pack a decent sized spirit level into the team bag.

Mallards marked the anniversary of D-day by invading Burnmoor to face Architects.

The home team, somewhat ironically, rolled out their big guns but Mallards retaliated in kind by opening the bowling with Cleaver, an appropriate nod of acknowledgement to the only man on the pitch old enough to have personally stormed the beaches at Normandy.

Fittingly, the Architects openers treated the bowling with respect as our very own veteran began with a maiden, a feat that was soon matched by his Kiwi ally Cox at the other end, though he went one better, with a wicket maiden in his second over to reduce the home team to a mere 10-1 from four overs, McCaffrey taking a fine catch in the deep despite Latif’s valiant attempts to distract him. This was to be a high point in the first innings.

While Cleaver maintained excellent control at one end, Gibbons replaced Cox and proceeded to trade blows with the opposition. In his first two overs there were seven dot balls, sadly these were joined by four 4s and a six. At the end of eight overs Architects had reached 46-1 approximately. (Unfortunately the home scorer neglected to fill in the scorebook fully, a surprising oversight given that home team policy dictates he was unlikely to be batting or bowling and would have little else to do on a lovely sunny evening). Despite the carnage elsewhere Cleaver finished with an excellent 0-13 from his four overs.

Malik took over at the pavilion end and very considerately made Gibbons feel better by conceding 17 from his first over. Gibbons felt better still when he took a wicket in his last over, Beacock, making up for a missed opportunity from the previous ball, stumping McBain for 29 with a fine piece of glovework.  Gibbons finished his spell with a very respectable 1-30, not helped by McCaffrey practically throwing the ball over the boundary at one point. Those figures would look even more respectable by the end of the innings.

Unfortunately this wicket brought Brigham S to the crease. He seemed to have played before as 23 balls later he retired on 51, not long after the opening batsman, Wayman had been bowled by the resolute Malik for 49. Wayman was the tortoise to Brigham’s hare, taking a desperately slow 47 balls to reach approximately the same end.

Latif, brought on to enable Malik to change ends, bore the brunt of Brigham’s assault, a semi-reasonable three overs for 26 turning into four overs for 48 as four 4s and a six came off his last over. Cox’s return for the final overs almost saw a further breakthrough but Beacock dropped a difficult chance. Malik’s resultant throw at the stumps in the ensuing chaos missed by a fraction, leading to overthrows, which the bowler obviously found most amusing. Oh, how he laughed.

Architects finished on 164-3, which in comparison to some previous scores on this ground (205-0 in 2015 being a particular nadir) was considered a minor triumph.

Mallards were rallied by a Churchillian speech by skipper Butcher in the changing room where he rejected out of hand an adoption of the not-retiring rule so beloved by the home side. ‘We will never surrender… to such underhand tactics,’ he said, or words to that effect.  This was followed by a rumbling sound which we feared was thunder but fortunately turned out to be Mr Churchill turning in his grave.

Suitably inspired, opening batsman Ankush and McCaffrey started in a blaze of glory, racing to 23 from the first four overs, which was more than double the home team’s score at the same stage. This was to be a high point in the second innings. Sadly Ankush perished to the first ball of the fifth, miscuing a pull shot back to the bowler who, unfortunately  – it was later revealed – was also one of the few fielders in the opposition who could catch.

Cometh the hour, cometh the man. Skipper Butcher strode to the wicket like a slimmed-down Colossus, showing the same urgency with which he had evaded a fiercely-struck drive in the first innings. Ten heroically defended balls later he got off the mark with a quick single before being dropped by one of the home team’s un-named players (didn’t bat, didn’t bowl). McCaffrey, meanwhile, was smashing it all ower and after ten overs the pair had raced to 51-1, a solid platform for the remaining 114 needed off the last ten.

McCaffrey’s was then also dropped in similar fashion but his live-by-the-sword policy ended when he, somewhat inevitably, died by the sword and was caught for 22. This was clearly a key part of the vice-captain’s cunning plan to bring Cox to the crease at the perfect moment to join the skipper for the winning onslaught. Sadly, those plans had been buried under the thousands of diet sheets in the skipper’s in-tray and he hadn’t seen them. Which explains him being bowled for 17 in the next over.

Wood joined Cox at the crease, happy to rest on his bat at the non-strikers end while the Kiwi hit the winning runs. True to form Cox threw his bat at everything. Sadly, the only thing he hit was his own stumps, departing hit-wicket for 9. A more obvious attempt to win one of the Mallards’ sought after end-of-season trophies you will never see.

With that wicket the game was over. Wood and Malik bravely saw off the remaining deliveries as the innings finished on 92-4, which compared to last season’s 40 all out was the second minor triumph of the night. In contrast to the home team, whose opening six batsmen included four of their six bowlers, every single Mallard either bowled, batted or kept wicket, with the exception of Taylor, who, for obvious reasons, was kept away from all of those things.

Afterwards the Mallards gathered outside with a beer for the long awaited award of last year’s Friendly Fire and Golden Duck trophies to Messrs Beacock and McCaffrey  and to celebrate the win – our 412^th moral victory in a row according to club historians.

Piece of advice from the Despot to his captains: “word from the wise at the start of the game fix your eye on the most likely sucker and dragoon into them into doing the match report”. Well skipper Buxom certainly took that to heart and applied that wisdom to his designated choice of correspondent for the evening.

Anyone who treks to Maiden Castle at the moment will be greeted by a massive building project as Durham seeks to re-brand itself as one of the major sports-orientated universities in the UK. Perhaps a tacit acknowledgement of its ongoing slow decline as an institution of any academic value against the might of Oxford, Cambridge, London and dare I say Newcastle and even Sunderland?! [apologies to Messrs Stone and Cleaver who it goes without saying, are rare bastions of excellence who, despite their youthful appearance, are sad to say marginally closer to end of their careers than the beginning]

Part of the huge redevelopment includes the construction of a brand-spanking new indoor cricket centre for the sports elite. Sadly, that investment does not, so far, seem to have extended to the MC1 pitch, which was characterised by a lovely very-green-top wicket and a lush outfield with grass length far more suited to that other gentleman’s game, Rugger.

Maintaining what, I believe, is a 100% record, skipper Buxom lost the toss and was invited to field. Now at that point preferred keeper Kent had not arrived, so Taylor was asked to don the gloves. A plan with several flaws (which will become more apparent later), including the absence of any keeping kit in the Mallards bag. Fortunately, the Staff lads were in a generous mood and graciously offered the use of their unloved kit from the bottom of the team bag as well an offer to loan a fielder until the aforementioned missing Mallard finally showed up.

Cleaver, nowadays apparently ousted by the performance driven youth-policy-focused DUSCC (Nigel Metcalfe aside), opened the bowling for Mallards with his usual array of outswingers, only to be robbed of a 1^st over wicket when Taylor, still trying work out which way to wear the loan equipment, spilled a straightforward caught behind. Cleaver, bowling with all his guile in his second over moved one sufficiently wider to catch the edge and safely avoid Taylor and instead into the safe waiting hands of Skipper Buxom at slip taking a fine reaction catch, removing Gillespie for 6. Meanwhile Watson from the trees end, plugged doggedly away and managed to remove other opener English for 4 with a well-taken catch by Mexter.

End of the 6^th over and it was 22 for 2, and the team breathing a collective sigh of relief with Taylor being replaced by Kent, who had opportunely arrived early than expected. Apparently Kenty is going to be available for quite a few Tuesday’s to come as Iliana’s piano teacher has suffered another mishap, for the second occasion in as many weeks, this time in the form of a broken foot. I will say no more, but apparently he has a strong alibi for both …

The 7^th over of the game saw something rare, a four. A strong 39 partnership between Root and Robertson then ensued despite some very tidy bowling by Jha (4 overs 0 for 24) and Mexter replacing Cleaver (4 overs 1 for 16) and Watson (4 overs 1 for 20) respectively. Mexter (4 overs 1 for 26) did remove the dangerous Robertson for 22 with an overhead caught and bowled effort that only the tallest person on the field could have got to. Only 8 of the 39 runs in that partnership came from boundaries with 3s being the more the norm. Mallards quickly figured out that the only way to get the ball back was by relay, with McCaffery taking on the role of the relay point – no matter where he was originally fielding.

Robertson was replaced by the equally dangerous Chaudry who with Root pretty much took on anything that Mallards could throw at them, with both retiring in the last couple of overs, by which point the score was in 3 figures. A final consolation was Mexter taking his 3^rd catch of the evening off the bowling of Latif, who got the rump end of 1 over at the end. The final damage was 118 for 4, which included just 6 boundaries, a run 4 and eight 3’s.

Tactically, Buxom knew that Mallards needed to get off to a flier to have any chance of chasing that score down. Casting around for that combination of reliable opening technique with a little bit of scoring panache and finding none, he instead opted for Kent and McCaffery. With Boothroyd (S), nowadays a decent left arm bowler with a bit of pace, opening the DUSCC defence runs were hard to come by. Ackroyd from the other end was also miserly and the batsmen found themselves having to make do with scrambled singles, until McCaffery was undone by a direct hit to be run out for 4 in the 4^th over.

Taylor, bewilderingly promoted to the number 3 position struggled to make any headway seeing Aycock out for a maiden in his final over leaving him with figures of 3 overs 0 for 14, and Boothroyd ending his spell with the even more impressive (3 overs 0 for 4). At the end of the 6^th over the score was 18 for 1. So 101 needed off 12, still on for the mighty Mallards!

DUSCC’s first bowling change brought immediate dividends with the wily Metcalfe removing Kent for 10, clean bowling him as he attempted up the tempo and find an elusive boundary. With Jha now at the crease an 18-run partnership ensued with both extras and Jha outscoring Taylor who finally perished to a direct hit run out for just 3 in the 10^th over with the score on 38. This also saw the departure of Jha a couple of balls later caught by Root off the bowling of the-not-quite-as-lethal Boothroyd (I) for 16.

The nowadays svelte Butcher replaced Taylor and did his best to smite the ball. Alas while his running between the wickets is decidedly quicker, the diet also seems to have taken its toll on his ability to smack the ball out of the park, albeit that he did score the second of only two boundaries in the MCC innings – one that trickled over the mid-wicket boundary only come to come to a halt about 1 foot later. Buckley looked every bit the part, but was undone by the bowler running in when he was not ready. Rather than walk away our skipper elected to try the old one-handed block instead, only to see the ball clatter onto the stumps. Did I mention the ultra-competitive spirit? No reprieve from the opposition captain who was now considering his final bowling changes.

Now with a score of 39 for 4 at the end of the 12^th over, the opposition needing to score at 13 an over on a green pitch, a very slow outfield and the light now starting to fade rapidly, what do you do? Good idea in a friendly game, put your fastest bowler of the evening on at the (dark) tree end. Despite this tactic Butcher aided and abetted by Holland, managed to nurdle and run the highest Mallards partnership of the evening, 24 runs before Butcher holed out with just one ball remaining. At this point Mexter graciously stood aside to allow Cleaver to take the last ball of the innings. Needing just 43 off the last ball, Cleaver strode out to the middle to a field consisting of 3 slips, 2 gullies, point, leg slip, silly mid-on and silly mid-off. Not fazed in the slightest, Cleaver punched through for a single and the game was concluded in the twilight with a proud defiant 79 on the board.

So off to the Rose Tree pub, where we made the bar-lady’s evening by actually giving her some customers to serve. In terms of pub attendance, the score was Mallards 12, DUSCC 2. So we took the moral high ground for the evening. We play because we love the game, but enjoying each other’s company after is just as important.