Sometimes rare and beautiful things happen. Sunshine breaks out on what has been a pretty worse than average wet summer, a full-strength Mallards squad turns up on time and Architects turn up 3 men short and without their big hitters. A collective sense of optimism that momentous things just might happen was in the air.

An examination of the pitch from the club-house using high-powered binoculars indicated that the match was to be played from the strip closest to St Barnabas church and graveyard. In fact a two-minute walk to get closer to the strip suggested that the groundsman had possibly and cheekily found an additional strip just adjacent to the square. Just to make things more interesting the square boundary to the clubhouse side had not been brought in, making the distance to hit a ball somewhere of the order of 110m (or 120 yards in old money) – albeit on a fast outfield. Was an all-run 5 on the cards? In contrast, the far-side boundary was just about perfect for the square-leg umpire to stand and comfortably view proceedings from.

Skipper Butcher won the toss and despite being reminded of memories of last year’s 106-run drubbing, chasing 204 to win, elected clemency on the Architects’ lads, who were hoping for late arrivals, and invited them to bat.

Browne and Bennett were given the dubious pleasure of opening the bowling, the former all the time muttering about retiring and being put out to grass (the lawn variety one would hope). While openers Loach and Brown (without the ‘e’) got off to a good start, Bennett made the first breakthrough in the fourth over removing Brown with a plumb back-foot lbw, to leave the score on 22-1. Browne, no doubt inspired by his fellow opener, saw no. 3 Brigham Snr lbw for a duck the following over. However the batsmen dug in and steadily made their way to see the score at 47 for 2 at the end of the 8^th over, Browne finishing with a respectable 1 for 24 for his allotted 4 overs and Bennett 1 for 18 off his, figures that might have been better if the skipper’s fine catch at backward square leg hadn’t been ruled out for a no-ball.

Captain Stig, wheeled the bowling changes with Benson coming in from the main road end and Dunhill from the tennis courts end. Dunhill (complete with knotted handkerchief headwear) had a tidy first over, but Benson wasted no time after taking a few balls to settle in by bowling opener Loach for 16. Benson also struck in his second over, thanks to a well-taken catch on the cemetery boundary by Wood to remove the dangerous Brigham Jnr for 21. The bowling and fielding remained tight and scoreboard pressure was starting to mount for the Architects batsmen who did not seem able to make good use of the available boundary just 30 or so meters away. Dunhill finally got some reward in his final over to remove Harkin for 7 to finish with 1 for 15 off his 4 while Benson had an expensive last over to finish with figures of 2 for 28 for his 4.

At this point, Captain Butcher suddenly realised that he still had 4 overs to bowl and not many bowling options left. Steel could be seen to be wilfully looking the other way and the captain seemed reluctant to give his own arm a whirl. So it came to looking to his nowadays part-time options of Taylor and Wood. Determined to show the Mallards “youth” how it should be done, Taylor promptly took a caught and bowled from a dipping full toss, while Wood after conceding a four (dropped and thrown over the boundary by his captain!) promptly took the last 2 wickets in consecutive balls in complete scorn of the friendly agreement to play last man standing. The end of the innings saw Architects slide from 91 for 5 to 101 all out in just 15 balls and two and a bit overs short of their allotted 20.

The Mallards reply saw Kent and Steel take to the crease and two Mallards players take to the field to augment the Architects VIII. There was a look of determined aggression in Kent’s eye, which may have had something to do with childminding difficulties that could have seen him returning home with one less child than he arrived with. That aggression took very little time to manifest with the second ball of the innings driven for 4. However the opening bowling partnership of Lawson and Smith was tidy and at the end of the 6^th over the score was 30 for 0 and (admittedly faint) cries of “get on with it” were given short shrift with an angry wave of the bat from Kent.

The 7^th over saw the first bowing change with Harkin replacing Laughton. With Kent largely hogging the strike, Steel was largely content to play the anchorman role especially when Brigham Jnr was brought on to replace Smith, and started to bowl some deliveries at a lively pace that Kent seemed content to let Steel face. However, runs continued to flow, an experimental over from Brown proved to be particularly productive for Kent including a big hit that saw the ball rattle bagatelle-like through the huge tree that overhangs the ground from the cemetery.

With the score on 86, Kent hit yet another 4 to a cheer from the distant boundary indicating that he had passed 50 runs (52 in fact). At which point, despite no retirement being agreed, Kent elected to protect his average and promptly did so – judging that 12 runs in 5 or so overs with the quality batting line-up still to come would be a stroll in the park, the openers having put on a majestic 90 runs.

Now you may be thinking at this point was the rare and beautiful thing going to be Mallards winning a game without losing a wicket? Think again! I have to confess at this point the order of proceedings is a bit hazy owing to the fact that the book (yet again) has not been filled in correctly – a black mark to the Skipper. With the talismanic Kent retired, Steel (obviously pining for his batting partner) was out caught by Brigham Jnr off the bowling of Brigham Snr. Greenwood came and went for a duck. Porteous, allegedly on a batting roll was bowled by a fully pitched-up, late-inswinging beauty from Brigham Jnr that saw his middle stump removed. Butcher in at 5 was bowled by Harkin for 1 and Taylor, having only just managed to get off the field from umpiring duties and barely in his pads was back on to bat – sadly not very long as he skied his 4^th ball to be out for 1.

So yes, Mallards had gone from 90 for 1 to 97 or 5 and only 12 balls left in the game. Was the prospect of snatching defeat from jaws of victory on the cards? Thankfully no. Wood, who had now been joined by Bennett, in at no. 8, hit a four to the cemetery boundary to ensure the scores were level. At the start of the 19^th over it was Bennett on strike. Calmly he took one ball to steady his nerves before driving the next to the long-on boundary and a famous victory.

It’s not often that Mallards beat Architects at their home ground, in fact the last time we may have done so was with all three Mollers in the squad – so you are talking about 8-10 years ago. OK, so they were missing a couple of their big hitting players, but those that turned up were all decent cricketers, so we’ll take the win, particularly as it was our turn to take advantage of their pernicious ‘no retiring’ rule.  The lure of Germany v. France on the screen in the clubhouse bar was of no appeal to the Mallards lads who took that rare and beautiful opportunity to celebrate victory on the benches outside on a lovey sunny evening.

“Don’t knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn’t start a conversation if it didn’t change once in a while” (Kin Hubbard). Never a truer word spoken for the legion of cricketers in the North East of our green and pleasant land. We are well versed in the daily perusal of the Accuweather app or the BBC weather pages which predict whether (d’you see what he did there? – ed) or not there will be any possibility of play for the Mallards fixture that night. Predictions of rain at 6, just when the teams are taking the field, are discussed and dismissed with casual arrogance.

Mallardians are true optimists when, despite predictions of biblical torrents of rain, they offer the possibility of the Riding Mill microclimate saving the day. Nowadays, armed with ‘state of the art’ pitch covers and an understanding of local mystic weather patterns the feeling is nothing can stop the mighty Mallards …… if only….

The fixture against Seaton Burn was a new venture against an unknown side, although the Seaton Burn club has been around for years in well-established leagues. Despite problems with satellite navigation resulting in a brief tour of the village, the Seaton Burn side arrived displaying a remarkably low average age causing some disquiet amongst the Mallardian old lags. Youth normally equals chasing expansive drives and pulls around the field for 20 overs followed by a low score resulting from being cleaned out by extreme pace.

In light of such reservations, Mallards skipper Steel, on winning the toss, decided to field and in bright conditions took to the field armed with a phalanx of bowling talent. Initial perusal of the team sheet suggested the availability of seven established bowlers – riches indeed! Mallards opened with Browne and Watson who embarked on a miserly spell of bowling achieving a metronomic line and length.

It was clear from the outset that Seaton Burn’s young guns were not going to embark on a run spree. In fact, there were very little signs of aggression at all, the score crawling to 18 for 2 after 7 overs. Rarely could there have been a more controlled start to a match. However, despite their accuracy and regularly beating the outside edge, Browne and Watson both failed to register in the wickets column (going for 9 and 13 runs respectively in their 4 overs).

However, Mallards achieved two breakthroughs via, what could only be described as a contender for the annual swoop fielding award. Kent had relinquished the keeping gloves to allow the return of Beacock to the fold. One can only speculate where Steve was coached in his fielding ability or his Spook-like ability in deception. He started with an intentional miss-field and followed this up by an equally intentional inept throw to the keeper. Having lulled the batsmen into a false sense of security and in combination with the keen keeping skills of the aforementioned Beacock, he ran out both Hoey and Rook deploying his laser like arm and sound ‘on the bounce’ technique. The stuff of legend.

The Seaton Burn run rate increased steadily upon the introduction of the spin twin attack of Bennett and Benson, Bennett having decided to deploy a mixture of off and leg-break bowling as pace was seen as being too much for the Seaton Burn team. It seemed apparent that the introduction of pace from Bennet and Cox on a ‘sporting’ pitch would have proved an overwhelming challenge for the young Seaton Burn team and terms were negotiated with Cox to be the bowler who ‘missed out’ on his bowling spell.

Control was maintained with Bennett having Harvey caught at mid-wicket for 13. Benson remained wicketless but in common with the earlier pace attack conceded very few runs, relinquishing only 15 in his three overs (Bennett conceded only 17 in the same spell). Opening bat McAuley retired on 32 very late in the innings thus narrowly becoming the only player ever to carry their bat under ’30 and retire’ rules.

The arrival of Hayden (interestingly noted as a retard by his teammate in the scorebook) resulted in a marked increase in the scoring rate. He was particularly severe on McGuiness launching him for consecutive sixes in his final over. Dave was rather unlucky having his man dropped twice in true Mallardian fashion. Wisbach, at the other end, also came in for some stick, but was able to maintain some control despite Hayden’s assault, eventually having him stumped by Beacock after several missed ‘swipes’ at his bowling. Wisbach also had Atkins caught for 10 and achieved figures of 2 for 20 from 3 overs which were commendable in the circumstances.

Despite the final total increasing to 106 for 5 off 20, the Mallards team were confident of a successful chase, particularly as Cox (as per on-field negotiations) was promoted to open the innings with fielding guru Kent. However, by this time, the weather had closed in and the Mallards batsmen took to the crease in rather dark and damp conditions, a steady drizzle having descended upon the Riding Mill ground.

Worries of ‘death by pace’ were unfounded as Mallards got off to a rapid start, mainly due to Cox who retired at 30 having smote four 4s and a six. Kent and Steel scored steadily, such that Mallards were well on course for another victory at 59 for no wicket after 10 overs. However, by now, the rain had become more persistent and it was clear the fielding side were struggling to stay vertical on the outfield and the bowlers were finding it difficult to grip the ball.

To their immense credit the Seaton Burn side kept playing as Mallards frantically tried to score the runs required. Steel was adjudged lbw for 11 as conditions worsened. The introduction of Hoey (1 over, 2 for 7) who took two wickets in his first two balls hastened the abandonment of the game as he had the (potentially) fast-scoring Kent stumped for 24 and Bennett caught for 1. McGuinness performed a triple-toe-loop slog for 4 having skidded down the track, making it clear that conditions for play were impossible and the match was sadly abandoned, with the score on 81 for 3 wickets after 13.2 overs. Both teams were in agreement, ably supported by the club despot who was most concerned about the potential comments coming his way from the Riding Mill grounds consultant.

Mallards were confident that the 27 runs required would have been scored in the remaining 6.4 overs. However, despite all of the predictions by Accuweather and the BBC the Riding Mill microclimate let the team down. The Seaton Burn side are a welcome addition to the fixture list. They play in the right spirit and their attempt to finish the match was commendable. However, it was clear the decision to abandon the match was correct.

And so, onwards and upwards. The win / loss ratio is still encouraging and assuming the weather improves (BBC is predicting rain for Tuesday) we will try again next week against Sparta at tropical Riding Mill.

“I’ve always thought of Mallards as a drinking team with a cricket problem!” Tony Cleaver.

Winning the toss (perhaps) Captain Butcher chose (or was put in) to bat, mischievously opening with Bennett and Kent. Bennett, bemoaning the lack of ‘snacky-snack’ time, strode onto the pitch purposefully smoking his fifth tab, though, thoughtfully he’d put it out in time for the start of the innings. Kent faced the first ball from opening bowler Gascoigne.  Four off his hip!  Great start. The dot balls then started to flow, with five taken from the first. Sharma now from the other end, Bennett getting his first runs with a beautifully timed shot for four. As the confidence built so did the score before Kent (11) was castled by Gascoigne in the 5^th with the score on 24. In came the canny Greenwood. The onslaught began to take shape with both batsmen getting on top of the bowlers, Bennett hitting a glorious six to cow corner off the tiring Sharma. Bennett (24) finally had to go after connecting with a short ball that looked set for the boundary until the deep point fielder took a low catch. Disappointing, but there were biscuits in the pavilion!  McCaffrey was in next and the excitement was building to unprecedented proportions, the crowd was going mild! Quick singles and the occasional boundary! Oh the drama. But it was not to be McCaffrey (1) falling to the new bowler Horner after unsuccessfully trying to get himself out a few overs before by smashing his own stumps and with a denial fit for the Leave campaigners managing to convince the umpires that they had just fallen over on their own! Horner was now in the mood! Second string Zurawlew from the other end was also hitting his straps and bowled Greenwood (15) with the score at a precarious 64 – 4. No need to worry, no panic necessary, it was time for the skipper and McGuiness. Butcher (2) bowled Horner, McGuiness (1) bowled Zurawlew, 67 – 6! Okay, but we bat very low down these days and with the seasoned pro GVD and the returning Wisbach we could post a respectable score. Surprisingly some singles were scored before Wisbach, who could only see out of one eye (a honeymoon related incident, don’t ask), smacked a lovely four off new bowler Brown. Wisbach now set about the bowling with his usual calmness. At the other end Van Doorn was playing a shrewd game until being bowled by Brown for 5. In came (relatively) new boy Benson at number 9 with the score on 79 – 7. Bowlers Brown and Sargeant had kept the score down well, but Benson was in no mood to run. A quick fire 20 from just 6 balls pushed the score along, with Wisbach (10) being bowled by Hall in the 20^th over. With the innings fading the welcome return of Ian Stone was short-lived as he was run out chasing runs for nought. Benson (20) perished to Hall and the innings ended on a competitive 112-9 (89 runs and 23 extras).

Tactician Butcher had a plan [unlike Roy Hodgson – ed.]. Get them out for less than 112.

Browne opened, maiden. McGuiness from the other end, 10 runs conceded but a good line and length and some lucky shots from batsmen Hamid and Zurawlew. Game on. Browne conceded just 2 from his second over, both wides. This was what we needed. We were tight in the field and were keeping the scoring down.  Four overs, 19 runs. Come on boys! The opening batsmen feeling the urgency began to hit out. Chances were bound to come our way. Zurawlew (31) retired in the 10^th over with the score on 59. In came Roope. Benson replaced McGuinness (3-0-29-0) and Van Doorn came on for Browne (an excellent 4-1-14-0). Both bowlers keeping it tight went for 3 and 2 from their respective opening overs. Batsman Roope took the initiative and targeted GVD, a beautiful six followed by a back foot kick away from the stumps, LBW for 7. In came Giby. Never looking comfortable at the crease, he was bowled by Benson in the 12^th for just 2. 68 – 2. Eight overs left. In came Horner to join the still unbeaten Hamid. Benson (3-0-15-1) was replaced by Wisbach, a man calmer than a marijuana-smoking sloth. Here was the bowler for this occasion, only conceding four from his first over.  Horner, on the other hand had a different plan, taking 14 from Van Doorn’s last over (4-0-25-1). 87 – 2 in the 15^th. With Wisbach going for only 4 more in his second it was time for Ian Stone to bowl them out. 91 – 2   16^th. First ball was judged as a wide, Umpire Hall being a git [allegedly – ed.]!. 8 runs from it. Tight, but a wicket now and we’re back in it. Stu again keeping the runs down finishing with a splendid 3-0-11-0. At this point things get a little hazy. According to their book keeping they are on 104 at the start of the 19^th. By my calculations they’re on 103. Never trust a Riding Miller!! Stone took the 19^th with Horner in a hurry to get to the Welly. Three balls one dot two sixes.  119 – 2 (how, I’ve no idea!!!) Stone (2-0-20-0).

A very enjoyable game.

The summer solstice is celebrated around the world in many wonderful ways: in Denmark they burn straw effigies of witches on the beaches; in Finland the women-folk bend over wells, naked, to see their future husband’s reflection, then get heavily drunk; Latvian revellers run naked through the towns at three in the morning before being rewarded with beer, cheese and folk songs. Actually, it would seem that most of these so-called “traditional celebrations” are little more than a flimsy excuse to light fires whilst getting nude and drunk.

Always looking to buck a trend, the MCC shunned the fiery norm by going truly wild and worshipping midsummer by playing 22 overs a side rather than the traditional 20. Sparta won the toss and chose to bat; however the pull of the more traditional solstice celebrations was obviously stronger than a slightly-longer-than-normal cricket match, as neither team was able to field more than 10 players. That said, Stig turned up briefly but then slinked off mumbling something about strong liquor, and Gareth popped in to umpire a few overs.

With the sun shining brightly both teams eventually sauntered out onto a pristine field. The Mallards’ 2016 recruitment drive continues to produce results, with another new player taking the field in the form of Thompson. We were also pleased to see the return of Beacock who was champing at the bit to get going. Browne took the new ball at the Grandstand End and found a good line straight away; however it was Mexter who found the breakthrough in the second over, trapping Hunter in front for just 3. Mexter struck again in the fourth over, drawing a thin edge from Gibb through to Beacock who completed a sharp catch.

Things were looking sound at 19/2 after five overs, but the run rate was about to start heading in the wrong direction. Despite Browne claiming the wicket of remaining opener Rushton, courtesy of New Mallard Thompson holding on to an awkward chance at square leg, the Spartan middle order had started to open up, moving the score quickly along to 57/3 after nine. Watson, however, was bowling well and started to bring things back under control with three wickets, first claiming Nelson for a rapid 20, caught by Cox at mid-wicket. He then claimed Spratt for 8 (also caught by Cox at mid-wicket) and Ellis, bowled for 7. The order and timing of the wickets is unclear due to a bit of a gap in book-keeping.

At the other end, Gibbons was really hitting his straps, finding an excellent line and beating the bat consistently. He and Watson pulled the run-rate back again, but batsmen Cook and Mr Illegible Squiggle, brought to the crease by Watson’s spree, started putting on a display of clean, straight hitting that was looking ominous. However 94/6 after 15 was encouraging as Cox brought himself on at the Rubbish Bin End, paired with first Mexter and then Browne at the other end to finish their spells. Unfortunately the big hitting continued and Sparta managed to put on 67 in the last 7 overs, resulting in a sizeable score of 161/6 after their 22. Watson with 3 wickets for ‘some runs’, and Mexter with 2 for ‘some more runs’ were the pick of the bowlers. Actual figures are not available from the book I’m afraid – a continuing theme from recent seasons.

However, all was not lost as the deck was flat, the outfield fast and recent batting form had been strong. Kent and Cox strode out to the middle with a glint in their eyes, dreaming of the unlikely. Kent, possibly with his mind still on having had to field like a mere mortal without gloves on, didn’t last and was bowled in the first over by Langley for 0. Wilson, in at 3, was off the mark straight away with a late cut for 2. At the other end, Cox took two boundaries from the second over to kick start the innings. Wilson was bowled for 2 in the third to give Langley the impressive figures of 2/3 from his two over spell. Cox and new batsman Mexter set about restoring order to things, with both finding the boundary regularly. The score moved along to 56/2 before Mexter was bowled by Rowe for 21.

Gibbons came out swinging at 5 and after a few early singles went four-six-out, bowled by Rowe. Moran came and went, lashing out and slapping a catch to cover first ball. Thompson, whose first ball for the Mallards was a hat-trick ball, saw it off calmly. It didn’t last unfortunately and he was caught off Hunter shortly after. The score was limping along to 71/6 after 14. Browne and Watson were both bowled for 3 by Spratt and things were looking bleak at 83/8. Beacock was enjoying himself though, having hammered a much needed boundary over backward square; he was joined by Cox, who’d retired at some point during the collapse, after Watson’s demise. Unfortunately, Beacock was then caught trying to clear mid-on off Hunter, bringing the innings to a close for 84 in the 18th over.

So not so much running naked through the streets, more tripping up on the cobblestones; it was, however, a pleasure to play under a midsummer sun, a change from the forgettable “summer” we’ve been experiencing so far.

I think I’m going to move to Finland.

Someone once said (or should have said) cricket is a simple game made harder in the minds of those who play it (now I have said it). Those gathered to play against Nitch’s little Black Book of Cricketers XI were to re-discover this (again) like a forgetful Father Time waking from a cricketing dream where Mallards had already won three times before the start of July.

With Butcher skippering, the Mallards ventured onto the field looking for the wicket. They managed to find it eventually, only locating it by the presence of the stumps next a strip of green grass. Various cricket thinkers ventured that the evening’s entertainment might be uncomfortable for batsmen. Butcher, in an unguarded moment in the changing room, ventured that we should win as the visitors (suspiciously occupying the Home Changing room) did not appear to know each other names (or who could bowl/bat or not). They mostly looked like young cricketers to the rest of us. Opposition selector Nitsch lurked with a dog on the boundary attempting to plot Mallards, downfall by a series of secret signals.

So to the game and the visitors’ opening batsmen Drake (shouldn’t he be playing for us?) and Kiel (now he does, or did!) strode to the crease to face McGuinness. The facing batsmen were soon into their stride against some decent bowling from McGuinness and Watson with the ball zipping around the ground from the bat of Drake in particular (who later retired for 26n.o – we should sign him). Kiel fell for 12 from a lofted drive off McGuinness and a fine overhead catch from Lucas.

Batsmen number three entered the field of play and Bateman and Dunhill were brought on by Butcher as the first change of the bowling attack. The ball continued to find the boundary from the bat (and as byes from the green pitch),  including awards by Nitsch now acting as third umpire declaring Wilson’s outstretched toe end boundary edge intervention a four. Despite some tight bowling from Dunhill and Bateman, the latter finishing his spell of three overs for a miserly five runs, the Black Bookers were making good progress.

Who does a captain turn to at such times of desperate need – well the ex-Skippers panel of course (which is nearly the whole team sometimes). However, on this occasion it was Taylor and Wood who entered the bowling attack as third change. And it even worked as Gibbons (another deviously-recruited Mallard), who had moved swiftly onto 20, holed out to a smart catch from Wood off the bowling of Taylor with Wood striking in the following over, Wilson managing to hold a catch without having to use his feet.

Unfortunately the flow of runs was barely stemmed and the Bookers progress continued relatively unchecked albeit with some valiant catching attempts in the deep. Scraping the barrel, Butcher called on Wilson who much to everyone’s surprise (including Nitsch who had not accounted for this in his grand plan) took two quick wickets a towering catch by Bateman and a feather edge snaffled by Kent. Sensing the Blackbookers on the ropes Butcher cut his losses bringing back McGuiness and introducing Green (who appeared to run in to bowl from the vicinity of the pub) for the final two overs. To no avail the Blackbookers completing their innings on 135 for 5.

As the humidity rose even further the Mallards took to the field with Kent and Taylor as the opening pair. It was a quickie divorce as Taylor left the field in high dudgeon, run out having not faced a ball. Lucas soon followed caught out for 1 to bring Wood to the crease.

Some tight bowling from the Blackbookers saw able seaman Wood put down his anchor whilst Kent began to open his shoulders with one boundary in particular surprising the scorers via the pavilion roof.  Kent retired (25 n/o) replaced by Butcher.

Wood was out soon after,  lbw to Drake from a looping full toss (7), a wicket which heralded a minor collapse. Green (1) and Bateman (0) both fell to Kiel in the following over. Mallards were in trouble with 5 down, the required run rate ballooning and Butcher and Wilson at the crease.

With nothing to lose (except the game) they swung the bat against some tight bowling and rode their luck (albeit Wilson refused to run a fourth communicated via some suitably industrial language) with Butcher clattering two boundaries before he was caught on 15.

McGuinness entered the fray, making a sprightly 11 n.o. and sharing a partnership until the last over with Wilson. With 35 needed from the final over Wilson thought better of it,  hit a four over mid-on and retired on 25 n.o. looking like he’d been caught in a shower. Watson kept his shiny bat clean and wicket intact in the final three balls with the Mallards finishing on 107 for 6.

Reflecting over a pint in the Wellington afterwards it was clear that although we had been well beaten by Nitch’s Black Book XI the fact that we had got a game was what really mattered. Thanks to those who contribute to the running of this fine institution and play in the spirit of gentleman’s friendly cricket (most of the time!)

After Tuesday night’s disappointing showing against a supposed scratch side which turned out to be Nitsch’s Secret Army, Mallards took to the field again just two days later determined to put the record straight.

The opponents this time were the mighty Ovingham who, in recent years, had drafted in a lot of young blood and improved immeasurably – a template for the future Mallards perhaps?

The game marked the return of two stalwarts, Mexter and McCaffery, who would respectively add height and volume to the team as well as a level of inury-proneness. The medics were put on standby.

Seasoned Mallards scanned the team-sheet, declared to a man ‘plenty of bowlers’ and looked around the dressing room, desperate to find anyone who looked like they could hold a bat,  new signing Zurawlew failing to duck in time and being singled out as a likely lad.

Stand-in skipper Steel lost the toss and we were batting with the skipper leading the way, aided by the ever-able Kent.  Worries about the depth of batting became more pressing when the skipper perished for 1 in the second over, taking on the arm of the man at square leg and losing to a direct hit.

This early setback brought Zurawlew to the wicket earlier than hoped but the pavilion’s concerns were set to rest when he got off the mark with a cracking four.  With Kent settling in at the other end, the new man continued to lead the way, hitting two more fours from the next over, taking a liking to the pacy Hall’s bowling. Despite some decent looking bowling the runs continued to pile up and by the end of the fifth over the score had reached a very satisfactory 36-1.

Giddy with the growing total, Kent then played out a maiden over before Zurawlew was surprisingly bowled by Hall for a rapid 26 to bring Wood to the crease with the score on 40-2 after seven overs. A period of stabilisation was clearly the order of the day but the new pair turned such expectations on their head, taking 23 runs from the next two overs, the equally pacy but more erratic Mapleston coming in for particular punishment, with both batsman finding the boundary off his wide-ish deliveries. At the other end Marley was proving equally expensive, his first two overs costing 19 runs as the score mounted rapidly to leave Mallards sitting pretty on 96-2 from just 12 overs, some fine running and hitting being heavily supplemented by a hefty bout of extras as three lots of four byes were added to the score.

Inevitably the scoring was to slow a little as the bowlers wised up but when Kent finally retired on 30 in the 15^th over, with the total on 108, the pair had still added 68 runs in just 7.5 overs .  Mexter now joined the fray, and in the next over, Wood finished his innings with a flourish, a four and a two taking him to 30 as he retired, having hit four boundaries (that’s FOUR BOUNDARIES) to be replaced by McGuiness. Mallards were now sitting on the rub-your-eyes-it-can’t-be-true-total of 116-2 after 16 overs.

Mexter immediately took up the cudgels, cracking two excellent fours in the next two overs to take the score up to 131 before he was bowled by Drake for 11.   As the clearly-rusty Jordan settled himself in, McGuiness sacrificed himself for the cause, taking on an almost impossible run to try and keep the scoring rate going but being run out for five to bring another debutant, Benson, in with Mallards hoping to reach 140 for the first time this season. The new man didn’t disappoint, a two and a four being followed by a quick single as the home team finished on a mightily impressive 140-4 from 20 overs.

Mallards took to the field with a confident strut but dreams of a comfortable victory were brought down to earth in Cleaver’s first over as Lee carved 11 runs from it. Browne, however, at the other end was in no mood to be thwarted, his first ball clipping the leg stump to send the dangerous Lee straight back into the pavilion. An impressive wicket maiden ensued.  The other opening batsman, Hall, was in impressive form but a series of fine cover drives brought him little reward as he continually hit fielders, Wood, in particular, being this week’s ball magnet. With Cleaver settling down after his worrying first over, the pressure began to mount, Kent narrowly failing to hold on to a nick behind in the fifth over, which finished with the opposition on 28-1.  The unlucky Browne also saw a catch go down behind the wicket in his next over as the two batsmen began to pick up the score again and after eight over they had reached a respectable 46-1, Browne finishing with 1-20, Cleaver 0-23.

Dunhill and new boy Benson took over with the latter, in particular, starting well, taking a wicket in his first over as Lintern charged down the wicket, only to be clean bowled for 12.  After an expensive first over, Dunhill also hit his straps, only conceding seven runs from his next two as the pressure began to tell on the opposition, especially with Hall retiring for an elegant 30.  After 14 overs they had reach 79-0, needing 62 from the last six for victory

The veteran Wallbank was now at the wicket and looked in fine form, finding the boundary twice with fierce drives but he lost his partner Mapleston in the 16^th over, Benson again taking the wicket with Kent finally managing to cling on to a catch, much to his relief, the bowler finishing on 2-23. Dunhill finished his four overs with 0-23. Worryingly, for Mallards the wicket brought Drake to the wicket, a man who had plundered the Mallards attack for 25 very quick runs just two days earlier.

With four overs to go the opposition were just about still in touch, needing 45 to win but skipper Steele had two aces up his sleeve in the forms of McGuinness and Mexter and the former wasted no time making his mark, bowling Drake with his second ball for 1 and only conceding two runs from the over, a feat matched by the returning Mexter in his first over. The game was almost up, Ovingham now requiring 39 runs from just two overs. McGuinness’s second over went for 8 leaving Mexter to finish the innings off. The treasurer made sure he closed the account, another fine over finishing in style when he bowled Martell with the last ball of the match to leave Ovingham on 115-5, giving Mallards a magnificent victory by 25 runs.

The beer at the Wellington somehow seemed even better than usual as one of the best all-round Mallards performances in recent memory, indeed probably one of the best ever, was celebrated.

After years of trying, Mallards finally made it to Broadway. You’d have thought with all the prima donnas that have graced the yellow-duck shirt over the years that we’d have made it years ago.  But no, it’s taken many years to finally grace the place where the neon lights are always bright.  Hopes were high of a third victory of the season on Broadway because, apparently, if you can make it there you can make it anywhere.

Unfortunately this wasn’t Broadway, New York, it was Broadway West, just off the Great North Road. And there were no stars, no neon lights, just lots of cloud and a biting wind which induced a rare burst of two-jumper wearing amongst the frozen spectators.

Butcher won the toss and chose to bat, correctly reckoning that it was only going to get darker, damn those non-existent neon lights!  New opening pair Scott and Kent took to the field and it was the former who got off to a flyer with three cracking fours in the first two overs. Kent, meanwhile, was practicing his morse code but leaving out the dashes, his first nine balls spelling out SSS.  He finally cracked his duck in the fourth over to settle himself down. With both batsman now into their stride the score began to mount quickly and the pair had reached a very useful 40-0 after eight overs before the first wicket fell in the ninth, Triggers Cleaver raising the dreaded finger to send Scott packing, lbw for an excellent 24.

As is the way with these things, Kent took up the slack to give new batsman Cox time to settle in, racing through to retire on 30 in the 13^th over with the score on 76.  New batsman Wood joined Cox at the crease and leant on his bat at the other end as the Kiwi maestro aced his screen test, hitting five fours in a very rapid 31 to allow Butcher and Wood to renew their weekly sprinting partnership.  The runs continued to flow, though now they were mostly coming from a series of 2s as the fielders were stretched to the limit. Inevitably there are casualties with this approach and Butcher eventually fell for 16, falling on his sword in an attempt to eke out a second run to the strong arm of Gilfillin.  Wood and Lucas then steered the innings home to a more than useful 124-2 after 20 overs.

Davipart began their reply with the strong opening pair of Sandhu and Rawley (D).  Cleaver began with a maiden but when the first two balls of his second over were crashed for boundaries the nerves mounted. Fortunately his fourth ball was carved towards Wood at mid-wicket, who took the catch low down to dismiss Sandhu for 1.  Inspired, Cleaver took another wicket in his third over, clean-bowling new batsman Dutha for 0. Watson, meanwhile, had been performing very tidily at the other end and claimed a deserved wicket, clean-bowling the potentially destructive Rawley for 23 to leave the home team struggling on 32-3 from 8 overs.

The all-Antipodean attack of Cox and Bateman took up the bowling next and both caused the new batsmen, Harwood and Rawley Sr problems from the start without much luck, Cox finding several thick edges that fell into vacant spaces and Bateman beating the bat on countless occasions.  Even so runs were hard to find for the batsmen and after 12 overs they had crawled to 45-3, needing 80 runs from the last 8 overs to win.

Kent spilled a sharp chance behind the stumps to continue Cox’s bad luck but Bateman finally struck with his final ball to bowl Harwood for 12 and finish with an impressive 1-9 from his 3 overs, Cox finishing with an unfortunate 0-17 from four.  Davipart were now getting desperate, Rawley Y coming out to try and save the day with the score on 58-4 from 15 and 67 runs needed from just five overs. McGuinness bowled a very steady first over, almost taking a fierce caught-and-bowled chance fired straight back at him before Mallards’ nerves were tested when skipper Butcher bravely opted to bring the rusty Taylor into the fray. Fortunately the latter’s policy of making the batsmen chase wides paid off as they tired themselves out, the home team’s efforts fizzling out as they ended the day on 92-4, a Mallards victory by an impressive 32 runs.

A magical performance from the Mallards but, of course, there’s always magic in the air – on Broadway.

The art of reportage is the art of being there, of seeing and following the events, getting to the soft white underbelly of what is really going on, seeking to accurately conveying the real story to a waiting public. To do any of these you have to be paying attention, not turning up 20 minutes after the game started and spending the next 15 unloading crates of beer (and other non-alcoholic beverages) and loading up an ice box. Yet come the end of the game, the enticement of a potential end of season trophy was not enough to prevent all involved to feign illiteracy, pending holidays, “writers” cramp and virginity (the reporting kind I think hope) amongst the too many excuses. So this week what you’re going to get is a (more) fictionalised (than usual) account of the proceedings.

Once upon a time, there was a man called Nala (not his real name), a legend amongst his peers, famed for his Calliopian writings and his all-round cricketing abilities (albeit too often in the face of his own team-mates). At the time the narrator of this stirring and entirely (in)accurate account arrived to chronicle the events that unfolded at Riding Mill in the week following the calends of May, it became obvious that the Mighty Mallards were living in troubled times …

A ritual known as the “tossing of the coin” had been undertaken and although the result has been lost in the mists of time, the result was that Mallards were set the task of posting an immense score that would be sufficient to intimidate the cunningly fearsome opposition known as the Architects (their real name too long to be worth reciting). However when your narrator arrived, the guardians of the gates of the Mallards batting attack were already occupying judiciary positions as umpires to the proceedings on the field of combat.

According to hearsay accounts, the opening of the Mallards innings had been brutal. Kent, without fear, having scored 15 runs off the first over had raised a defiant hope in the team that a score of 200+ was on the cards, only to see such hopes dashed as first Steel, attempting to emulate his opening colleagues’ success, futilely attempted to charge down his second ball faced only to be clean bowled for 1 by the deceptive Lawson. At this point our hero Nala strode to the crease to continue the carnage, only for the gravity of the unfolding events to hammer home with the dismissal of “Stoneface” Kent for 15 again falling prey to Lawson’s immaculate line and length. From 15-0 at the end of the first over to just 23-2 at the end of the 4^th, a more realistic score was needed and Nala was the man to deliver.

Aided and abetted by the Thalian Wood, Nala set about repairing the foundations of what could still be a monumental innings. Faced with the gorgons that were Lawson and Harkin, Nala heroically blocked and nurdled stealing what runs he could thanks to the split second calling of Wood. For 11 overs our redoubtable pair battled against the odds, as Architects summoned further gorgons in the shape of Harkin and Brigham. The quick singles were starting to take their toll on Nala. A rare shot that penetrated past the iron ring of fielders and upslope to the main road end of the ground was accompanied by a plaintive cry of “oh bugger” as he realised that he would have to run three in one go.

At the end of the 14^th over the score had moved to an attritional 61 for 2, only for Nala to see his trusty squire Wood felled, clean bowled by Thornton for 14 while trying to valiantly accelerate the scoring rate and thus exposing the Mallards leader to face the wrath of the Architects bowling attack. Striding to the crease wearing his pork pie Stetson (this is not a purely Greek tragedy!) our leader, Butcher, wasted no time in taking the fight to the foe with two lusty fours only to perish with an ill-timed swipe at another straight one from Thornton for just 9.

Nala however persisted. The opposition, sensing weariness, elected to go for the sadistic slow kill sparing Nala from a quick and merciful release by making him run further rapid singles (and twos). However the ploy backfired when Nala having hit the fifth and final four of the innings reached the blessed release of 30 not out and he was allowed to return to the pavilion, albeit on his knees, with honours. The completion of the innings was left to the youthful coupling of Gibbons and Moran who withstood the final bowling assault to finish on 9 and 2 not out respectively and the Mallards total a century or so short of what had been promised at the start at 103.

For any chronicler of proceedings, the accurate summarisation of activities is helped by the availability of clear and accurate documentation to support the preparation of the accounts. Sadly this is not always the case …

With Nala instructed to patrol the cover/ mid-wicket boundary, the primate McGuinness was set the task of vanquishing the foe with the ball. His Harmison-like first ball ballooned high and was duly dispatched for a no-ball four, only for his second and first legitimate ball to clean bowl the very dangerous Clinton for 4. Scholars, I’m sure, will long debate whether this counts as a diamond duck. Meanwhile Watson, looking mean and hostile with his black eye, set to defending the other end of the wicket of play. A tidy first over saw reward in his second with a plumb back foot lbw to remove the equally dangerous Matterson for 7.

McGuinness, struggling for line and length, was replaced by Wisbach (soon to be betrothed and to possibly retire from the field of combat forever? – he thinks otherwise but we shall see … organising a wedding that coincides with a test match in the vicinity does not for good portents make) who was rewarded by the wicket of Bindine caught superbly by Moran at point for 15, leaving the Architectural Gorgons at a perilous 48 for 3 after 8 overs. However Moran’s exploits in the field failed to eclipse those of Nala, who had become a strange ball-attractor (magnet is not quite the word here) for the innings. All too often balls travelling in not quite Nala’s direction meant our hero had to chase or throw himself towards to the line of the ball with a “bloody hell”, “oh god, not again”, or “why me?”.

However it was all to be for naught. Brigham and Thornton steadied the rocking Architects ship and despite the wiles of Watson (4 overs 1 for 12), Haylock (3 overs 0 for 17), Wisbach (4 overs 1 for 23) and Gibbons (2 overs 0 for 16) the gorgons swiftly and inexorably overcame stoic Mallards defences to close down on the total needed to secure victory. In desperation the captain turned to Wood to bamboozle them with whatever you call what he bowls, ensuring that the game extended to the 17^th over where only 2 runs were required. Turning once again to McGuinness in the hope that he could deliver a double hat-trick maiden in failing light, Captain Butcher’s dreams of a first victory under his tenure were thwarted with a single followed by a wide.

It was a valiant defeat, against an opposition who played to the full spirit of friendly engagement. Nala, heroic in defeat enjoyed a well-deserved crafted lager by Samuel Adams in the lighted clubhouse before disappearing into the night clutching a celebratory Badger (ale that is) to savour when he returned to his home. For the rest it was a case of drink, eat pork pies and other savouries and enjoy the final Pyrrhic victory of creating a post-match schism within the ranks of the opposition caused between those who were happy to stay and share in the spirit of the game and those who wanted to immediately bugger off to the Wellington to castigate each other for the job done. So Mallards may have narrowly and valiantly lost in the field of cricketing combat, but definitely won in the cause of friendly cricket.

As Sir Walter Scott (1771-1832), poet and novelist once wrote…

“Grey towers of Durham
Yet well I love thy mixed and massive piles…”

As a student of construction, I would hazard a guess that Sir Walter was referring to the massive foundations of the Cathedral and Castle – or was he? It may be he was discussing the relative merits of carpets in the bishopric of Durham or perhaps the cut of the grass in the proximity of the University and Cathedral. More later……

The annual visit to Maiden Castle to play Durham University Staff is always a popular fixture against a good side that generally play the game in a Mallardian spirit. Despite the threat of rain and a heavy mid-afternoon shower, the game was played on “Pitch 1” as opposed to the all weather pitch on the Pelaw Woods side of the river – the pile of pitch No.1 being much more appropriate than the more Spartan conditions caused by adjacent football and rugby pitches – a veritable Axminster as opposed to Nouveau Connections carpet tiles. Good job that the groundsman had taken a flyer……

With SkipStig late due to work commitments, vice-captain Steel won the toss and after consultation with senior pros selected to field first. Browne and McGuinness opened the attack with the latter receiving some severe punishment from openers Swift and English. However, McGuinness did make the first breakthrough having Swift caught at point by Butcher. The run rate was of IPL proportions with Durham being 31 for 1 off 4.

Cox replaced McGuiness and Watson latterly replaced Browne. However, the run rate was maintained at a high level with regular boundary fours being made by English (who retired at 32no) and Smith (run out for 29 with calm assurance by Scott – McGrathesque in style). The first ball of McGuinness’ 2^nd spell accounted for Powell, bowled for 8 thus achieving the notable feat of being the only Mallards bowler to take a wicket on the night.

Despite good spells from Cox, Watson and Wisbach, the run flow could not be stemmed with regular fours being hit despite the longish boundaries by Hopkins (22no) and Everett (19no).  At one point Watson even tried to stop the ball with his head – see above.  The pile of the outfield certainly favoured the forceful Durham batters – the ball running smoothly over the well-manicured sword / Axminster.

The age old Mallardian curse was once more in evidence with several dropped catches – some of which could be placed in the ‘dolly’ category and some in the ‘mission impossible’ genre. McGuiness had his feet in both camps off the bowling of the unlucky Wisbach including a full length two handed dive on the boundary which probably saved a maximum – catch it next time Dave please or cop a fine for showing off!

The final score of 134 for 3 off 20 overs seemed somewhat of a challenge to the Mallards batting line-up, particularly as the weather had closed in to make conditions rather dark and dismal. Mysteriously, the ‘senior pros’ acting as consultants at the toss had somewhat disappeared at this point as the decision to field was politely questioned. Note to committee – please can we have night vision specs for the kit bag…

Steel and Kent opened the batting with opening bowler Everett exploiting the poor light by bowling quick and short thus conceding only 14 from his three overs. Costello captured the wicket of Steel in a miserly spell – Mallards being fatally well behind the required rate – at 16 for 1 after 4. Kent did his best to raise the rate, almost poleaxing Steel with a stunning straight drive.

Boothroyd and Cleaver (yes, that Cleaver) took up the attack and maintained a very well-directed and disciplined approach. Cox had been promoted in the order but perished to Boothroyd for 6 while Kent continued to attempt to force the pace at the other end, eventually retiring at 30.

Wood and Butcher than embarked on a good partnership and both made a valiant attempt to raise the rate of progress. Many significant blows were made but no boundaries were achieved – for example in one spell of 22 deliveries, 10 x 2s were run and no fours (or sixes of course). Running between the wickets was heroic, but certainly not good for team health. Note to committee – please can we have an iron lung for the kit bag…

The Durham team showed that they have a highly competent bowling attack – all six bowlers hit their lines and lengths very consistently – the final two bowlers provided the denouement with Moore producing a fine spell of 1 for 12 from 4 overs and Metcalfe (as ever) picking up wickets as Mallards thrashed out to try to make defeat less ignominious (3 for 10 from 3 overs). Wood, Butcher, Tayler and Scott perished in the final overs. Scott’s innings was adorned with a high class cover drive (was it Michael Vaughan in disguise?) which was the only boundary achieved after the retirement of Kent. Final score was 84 for 6.

And here we have the nub of the problem, why could Mallards not hit the boundary like Durham Staff? There was plenty of well-timed hitting? Is it the physical prowess of the team? There is an alternative possibility…. It’s down to the pile of the outfield. Durham staff MUST have a switch which changes the outfield from Axminster to Nouveau Connections carpet tiles. Thus, Sir Walter Scott may have been referring to a game of cricket he had observed and the Sands at Durham. The piles are the different outfields Durham staff play on and they vary them between innings. I want one of those switches for my lawn…

So, a heavy defeat for Mallards by 50 runs. The reason for the defeat was obvious (other than Durham having a much more resourceful team this year with some good new players) as Durham staff hit 19 boundaries whilst Mallards struck only THREE! A closer match was possible if not for the “mixed and massive piles” (Scott, Sir Walter).

And so, to finish with Sir Walter – to complete his quotation which reads “with records stored of deeds long since forgot”, Mallards have been known to reach 150 from 20 overs on the all-weather pitch – perhaps we need to play there more often? ****ocks to the Axminster….

“Spoiler alert” – this week you will NOT need to work your way through 15 pages of Boyesian prose only to be surprised that after all of this your beloved Mallards took a pasting and very undeservedly lost !

The glorious 10^th May was the day of the announcement of the discovery of thousands of extra planets by NASA’s Kepler Space Telescope. Sod the planets in deep space – 10, 11 or 11and half stars were discovered in the very near space of Tynemouth as Mallards stormed to their second win of the season – with us not even half-way through May and all 3 major North East football Teams in the Premiership (if only for another day!) – and conspiring to give Team Despot his first ever win at Priors Park – even if the foundation was laid in the 6 overs before he arrived from Alpha Centauri (where he had apparently been examining the planning application for an interstellar highway in advance of the pending arrival on Earth of a Vogon constructor fleet )

Under thin grey skies Mallards opened proceedings with Kent and Boyes at the wicket with Black and Moran bowling tightly for KSOB  – and Moran’s first over against Kent being a maiden. The gentle approach had umpire Haylock “consoling” our openers with the fact that Surrey were on 3 after 6 overs against Yorkshire – and one of those was a leg-bye. Kent took the message – Boyes (aka Higgs-Boson) tried to. He hit a 3 which clearly exhausted him beyond keeping his ground against Black to be stumped and his back, groin or somewhere else tweaked for 5 in the 5^th over with the score on 14. This brought Captain Cox to the wicket as the first instalment of what proved to be an antipodean dynamic and match-winning duo.

Having hit two fine fours, Kent (a pale shadow of the man who hit 3 fours in the first over against Walbottle!) fell for 14 – bowled in the 6^th over by Black. Wood came to the crease and showed everyone what passing on the burden of captaincy can do for a man. Putting all memories of a crawling Surrey behind them Cox and Wood accelerated into space. Cox having reached 29 decided he was going to make the most of the situation and was almost back in the “pavilion” by the time his second and farewell and retirement 6 had re-entered orbit.

Wood, having been reprieved from a first ball LBW by umpire Jordan’s inability to get his hand out of his pocket, continued the good work. He was joined briefly by debutant antipodean Bateman, playing in whites kindly borrowed by Tony Jordon from his son who was away studying Maths at Oxford. Very fittingly for the occasion his Professor had been waxing lyrical on Radio 3 that very morning on the emergence of matter from nothingness and relating the period after the big bang to the opening of Wagner’s Das Rheingeld – Surely being  in Tynemouth with the Mallards would have helped him much better understand and illustrate the concept he had been wrestling with.

The wondrously be-whited Bateman fell unluckily to a truly stunning over the head / behind the shoulder catch for 3 with the score on 84 in the 14^th over. If Bateman was stunned the bowler, Anderson, was even more so.  Having taken a while to find his line, the catch was off the 9^th of the 10 balls in his first over.

At this point whoever was scoring presumably passed on to other duties and everything gets a bit lost in space. The Mallards spaceship was clearly racing through the uncharted areas of the asteroid belt. Taylor stayed a while before being bowled for 10. Wood was eventually stumped for a rousing 28, including his own inter-stellar 6. Browne very briefly fizzed to be bowled for 4. Browne’s departure early in the final over brought another notable rarity as our second debutant – duck rather than drake, Ellie Moran strode to the crease with the score on 115. She swiftly got off the mark with a single. McGuiness clearly didn’t fancy running – he had hit a 4 in the previous over for his only score and was now bowled with a ball to go. Haylock yahoo swished at and missed the last ball and the innings closed on 116 for 7.

A relatively challenging total for the Mallards to defend – and with the sky lightening maybe the planets were not aligned in their favour. Further challenges faced the team with the first innings damage to Boyes meaning that Higgs had to stay on the bench and the role of Boson be passed to the  unconventionally-clad newcomer Gibbons – the third Mallards debutant of the night.

Coyne and Hamid opened for KSOB and Browne and McGuiness for the Mallards. Following the Mallards batting example a tight opener from Browne went for only 2 but following this the KSOB openers picked up the pace and had reached 20 without loss by the end of the 3^rd over. In the 4^th McGuiness struck – bowling Coyne for 12 with the wicket going down at 25.

With the score on 39 at the end of the 5^th Captain Cox cunningly held back overs from each of his opening bowlers for difficult times down the line and brought Bateman and Haylock into the fray. Truly inspired captaincy – Bateman’s very first ball had Moir trapped LBW for 11. With just a single coming off the rest of the over Bateman sat on 1 for 1. A tight opening over from Haylock conceded 4 singles. The anchors were on. In the following overs Bateman took his second wicket – bowling Peffer for 3 and Haylock bowled the remaining opener Hamid for 13. 25 for 0 in the 4^th had become 47 for 4 at the end of the 8^th.

Further tight bowling and strong fielding meant that at the end of the 13^th the score had been limited to 68 with Bateman closing on 2 for 11 and Haylock 1 for 17. Gravity was clearly dramatically slowing the KSOB reply

Cox brought himself on to share the final 7 overs with Browne and McGuiness.  Cox’s tight bowling brought no wickets but his 4 overs going for just 15 runs intensified the gravitational effect on KSOB – with the exception of one ball which clearly wanted to escape orbit leaping up from an otherwise docile pitch to strike the batsman full on the side of his helmet and attract critical comment from his team mates in the “pavilion”.

Alongside this the climatic conditions were steadily improving with the sun increasingly shining on the Mallards as their stranglehold increased – culminating in a theatrical low sun-lighting of the Priory and Lord Collingwood peaking from his plinth over the woods to the south.

Nelson’s right hand man (clearly needed after he had lost his own right hand – and arm- in a doomed attempt to take a holiday on Tenerife) must have looked on in amazement as the Mallards not only exerted further gravitational impact but steadily took wickets – and showed uncharacteristic excellence in the field.

A stunning direct hit from Wood ran out Black for 19 and almost immediately after a further direct hit from new-boy Gibbons disposed of Wiles for 2.

With KSOB needing to accelerate in the final overs, Cox, McGuiness and Browne simply would not allow it. 84 for 4 at the end of the 16^th became 91 for 6 at the end of the 18^th. The final ball of the penultimate over saw McGuiness take a great reaction catch low down off his own bowling to remove Willett for 17 and finish on 2 for 25 and again be the only catch-taker of a Mallard match. This was his 5^th in 4 matches – shame on you Wood for spoiling his record by having taken the only catch he hasn’t !

Browne had already finished his 4 overs on 24 for none.

With KSOB needing 21 to win off the final over a further tight over by Cox saw him finish with figures of 4 overs for 15 and the KSOB innings close on 102 for 7.

As the theatrical lighting on The Priory and Lord Collingwood dimmed the Mallards re-entered earth’s orbit and headed for further “Journey’s into Space” at the Tynemouth Lodge and contemplation of the rarified atmosphere of early season multiple success.