The story goes that Odysseus and his men travelled all over the place, battling through storms and against monsters, in the quest for timeless glory. Much like the Mallards playing cricket against Stamfordham. We had to set out early against a depressing weather forecast to face whatever the opposition could throw at us, north of Hadrian’s Wall where not even the Romans wanted to stray.
Travelling from the south, through lowering clouds and intermittent rain, one has to negotiate an endless series of zigzags through blind corners on a narrow road, all the time fearful of meeting some lumbering monster coming in the other direction. Your correspondent wishes to report he was lucky – he got to Stamfordham Cricket Club before meeting Captain Buxom on the road.
The cricket pitch, once encountered, is a picturesque venue for a sporting contest. The ground is well maintained, protected by covers, with tidy white screens in place and an excellent pavilion. And the visitors’ changing room was spacious, clean and respectable…not like us visitors! (Who was it saying that their kit hadn’t been washed for weeks?)
And so the game began. Some tosser put Stamfordham in to bat first (meaning the Mallards would have to bat later in failing light!) with Dave Cox and Tom Holland being our opening bowlers. Our stalwarts quickly took to their task, firing clusters of arrows at the hosts’ batsmen, but these Stamfordham soldiers were not to be dislodged easily, no matter how accurate our onslaught. Their luck held. Si Holland didn’t quite catch a shot off his son (!), a number of aerial shots off the bat sailed into vacant spaces between fielders; it wasn’t until the last ball of Dave Cox’s three-over spell that he finally zipped one through his opponent’s defences and removed the off stump. An excellent missile!
The change of bowlers after six overs saw yours truly and Sai Yarramsetty take over the attack. The second opening batsman, after hitting out, survived a slower ball which just missed his stumps by a lick of paint and then retired on a maximum to be replaced by a woman – a mean batswoman until she smacked one straight at mid-wicket. I would like to say that Jamie Park leapt like Gordon Banks (remember him?) and clutched the ball in midair. I’d like to say that… but actually he held his place, put his hands up and caught it above his head, stationary as a telegraph pole rather than England’s best ever ‘keeper…
Nagging away on a line and length, your correspondent bought his second wicket and third of the day when the batsman mistimed his shot, lofting the ball high into the cloudy skies. It might have fallen, like those earlier, into a vacant space in the field if it wasn’t for Hamid, excellent in the deep, who rushed in like a hare from long-off to take a breathtaking catch. [score?]
Stamfordham were wobbling and they were yet to face the sternest test – the double act of Liaquat and Si Holland, masters of the deadly donkey drops. Our opponents soldiered on, however, one particular brute growing in confidence as he hit boundaries until, either overconfident after one sweep for four, or perhaps just bemused by Si’s slow looper, he lifted his bat and watched the ball trickling all the way onto his off stump. Collapse of stout parties! Even the square-leg umpire walking up to replace the bails could not contain his laughter. Stamford finished after eighteen overs on 118 runs for 4.
Time for the Mallards to go into battle; Ankush and Sai were first up. The opening bowling attack, however, was something of a disappointment – our men had to put up with slow, round-arm bowlers who served up erratic puddings, instead of the ball coming on to the bat. Added to that, the opposition were placing fielders, most unsportingly, right on the boundary. Nonetheless, our men clobbered the red cherry to all parts, many times having to settle for singles as the ball was retrieved just before the line. Ankush plundered five fours and ten singles as he retired on a maximum, and Sai did almost the same, being caught at the end on 29, heaving for another boundary.
After a change in the bowling, Hamid and Jamie S were next in the line of fire, albeit they had to face a pace continuing to frustrate. Hamid smacked one, hoping to lift the ball over mid-wicket but unfortunately the fielder in question was tall enough and quick enough on his feet to back-pedal and reach up for a catch. Hamid, true Mallard, was out for a duck. Jamie S fared little better, he was caught and bowled soon after for 1. Slow bowling meant the run rate was similarly slow and then Jamie Park was next to go, bowled for 4 by a straight one as he tried to lash out.
Dave Cox and Tom Holland were now at the crease, wielding the willow and trying to accelerate as time elapsed, light began to fade and the rain began to spit on us. But Odysseus and his men were not fazed! One smart pull by Dave off his legs and he put the ball in the hedges; then a glorious six, followed by a sweeping four to the same place by Tom, and it began to look like we might just make it.
Aaagh! Bad light was the cue to Stamfordham to bring on a faster bowler! This brought much criticism by those watching, so they switched to a pink ball; however, the target became ever more demanding. At the end of eighteen overs, we were so close – Dave had scored 12 and Tom had battered away to 26, being caught on the last ball of the innings going for a winning boundary. We didn’t win in the end; we finished on 116 for 5. Just three short of triumph.
So the Mallards retired to the bar, to sample the nectar of the gods (not quite, though paid for by the not-quite-angel Gareth) and to commiserate on a victory that just eluded us. No matter, Odysseus’s team will return in a week’s time to confront whatever sirens or sorcerers conspire to throw at them next. Cheers!