Hamid Malik

Age: With that much hair he can’t be any older than 30

Specialism: We haven’t yet found anything he can’t do well. He’s like the Denis Waterman of Mallards. If we ever need a theme tune he’d probably write it and sing it.

Profile: Used to be the quiet man of the team but since the recruitment of his partner-in-crime Ankush we’ve discovered that he’s actually quite a chatterbox. So much so that he recently became the umpteenth captain of Mallards this season. Rain saved us that day so if he never does it again Hamid can claim to be the only unbeaten captain in the club’s history.

Favourite colour: Green

Nickname: Those movie star looks mean it has to be Bollywood