Age: 17 (stone)
Specialisms: Jack of all trades….
Profile: Recently lead a coup to take over the captaincy though given his patchy record when standing in that may be turn out to be a false dawn. Watch this space. At least he doesn’t have to take the kitbag home every week to make sure he’s selected. Currently swotting up on what you’re supposed to call that fielding position at cow corner.
Favourite Colour: Pork Pie
Nickname: Stig
Ominous dark clouds greeted the Mallards as they finally got their season underway following last week’s pitch debacle with a home game against Excelsior Batters.
Skipper Wood won the toss and chose to bat while his batsmen were still able to see the ball. The two skippers agreed to be flexible on the number of overs, starting with 16 but looking to play 18 if the weather held up.
A new opening pair of Steel and Kent began the season steadily on a typically erratic early-season pitch with Steel in particular finding timing difficult.
Nevertheless they set the Mallards ship steadily on course, with Kent hitting a couple of solid boundaries, before Steel was caught and bowled by Langley for 7 with the score on 29 in the sixth over. Dickinson joined Kent at the crease and started unusually slowly with five dot balls in his first six before launching a ferocious attack on the unfortunate Shearer. After defending the first ball of the over he hit the next four for three fours and a six before taking a single of the last ball to make it 19 off the over, leaving Mallards well set on 54-1 from 8 overs.
Mallards fixture maestro Dunhill then appeared on the scene and with the opposition a man short joined the fray, fielding for Excelsior.
Another four in the next over helped propel Dickinson towards early retirement as he quickly reached 30 from just 16 balls to return to the pavilion and bring Cox to the crease. With Kent still steadily accumulating runs at the other end the score continued to mount rapidly until he too reached 30 with another boundary in the 12th over and the score on 81-2.
Last season’s in-form batsman Butcher replaced Kent as, with the weather and light improving, the captains agreed to make it an 18-over game.
Under instructions to try and move things on quickly Butcher perished for the cause, clean bowled by Woodhead for six, and he was quickly joined back in the pavilion by the incoming Nitsch whose brief innings was quickly closed by Langley, clean bowled for 1. Wood then joined Cox to see the Mallards home as they finally reached a very useful 111-3 from their 18 overs with Cox unbeaten on a steady 16 and Wood 6 not out.
Mallards took to the field confident of defending their impressive total with Wood taking over the keeper’s gloves from the unusually absent Beacock and Browne (pictured) opening the bowling and they got off to a flier. Excelsior opener Krishnan, whose fine reputation with the bat had been extolled by several fearful Mallards, carved Browne’s first ball to Taylor at a deepish point. With hearts in mouths the rest of the field watched as Taylor manfully held on to the sharp catch to send the illustrious opener packing.
No sooner had the celebrations died down when Browne struck again, his fourth ball an absolute beauty which cut in sharply off the pitch to smash Haggie’s stumps out of the ground and reduce Excelsior to 4-2 from the first over.
And Mallards weren’t stopping there, Hunt instantly found some swing from the other end, his fourth ball bamboozling the normally impressive Woodhead for one. Browne’s second over then saw another beauty trap Shearer right in front of the stumps to leave Excelsior in disarray at 5-4 in the third over and it could have been even better if Nitsch hadn’t narrowly failed to grasp a sharp slip catch in the same over. This opposition had snatched victory against Mallards from precarious positions in the past but surely even we couldn’t lose from here!
Excelsior managed to finally settle things down with skipper Birrell playing steadily but their slow recovery was undermined again when Hunt found more late swing to clean bowl Lattimer for 5 and after two great opening spells they had staggered to 26-5 from 8 overs with Browne returning 3-17 and Hunt a miserly 2-7.
Taylor and Haylock took over the bowling and kept a tight grip on things with Taylor producing his usual ‘pearls amongst swine’ repertoire of the odd great ball amongst a scattering of wides and dead balls and Haylock hitting his straps immediately with a spot-on maiden.
One of Taylor’s pearls struck gold in his second over with Glenwright comprehensively bowled for one and though he then went for a couple of boundaries he found another one in his third over to dismiss the ringer Dunhill, smartly caught by Nitsch at something approximating short leg. With 13 overs gone Excelsior had been reduced to a mere 53-7 and Mallards were so confident of an opening day victory that Nitsch left the field to order the chips!
Taylor’s three-over spell had produced fine figures of 2-15 and the unlucky Haylock completed his four very steady overs with 0-17.
Nitsch returned to the field to take over at the tree end and in his second over he produced a fizzing delivery which startled the batsman so much he leapt back into his stumps, not just ‘hit wicket’ but ‘totally demolished wicket’ and with a Mallards victory in the bag Butcher was given the last over to complete an excellent win with some very good bowling backed up by some excellent fielding, Cox, in particular, impressing at both cover and mid-wicket.
Excelsior finally finished on 73-8 from their 18 overs, a comprehensive 38 run victory, with contributions from everyone and a great start to the season.
The delight continued at the splendid Wellington pub where the usual provision of roast tatties and chips was accompanied by a vast array of delicious roast beef and Yorkshire pudding. We must try and win more often if that’s what we get!
Match Reporter: Trevor Wood
A very pleasant June evening saw a re-jigged Mallards team face a strong Davipart XI in our first game at Harton for a couple of seasons.
Late drop-outs had meant a recall for Butcher and the long-awaited return of Stone for his first game in a couple of seasons.
Winning the toss, Wood chose to field, hoping that a relatively strong batting line-up could chase down a total.
Browne once again led the attack and despite conceding a boundary from the first ball started well again with only a wide added in the first over. Davipart’s openers, however, had a touch of class about them and Dunhill’s first over took some heavy punishment, with three ferocious drives peppering the boundary from perfectly decent deliveries as the home team raced to 19-0 from two overs.
To their credit Browne and Dunhill refused to be cowed and continued to bowl tightly, backed up by some terrific fielding from Dickinson, Butcher and Browne, as Mallards just about kept a lid on the scoring and after eight overs the pair had reached 56-0 with Northumberland batsman Ravi retiring on 30.
Veterans Haylock and the slightly reluctant Stone took over the attack and began brightly and tightly both conceding 5 runs from their first overs.
With Mallards refusing to wilt entirely the pressure began to mount on the Davipart batsmen and the visitors claimed their first wicket, Haylock turning the ball sharply to clean bowl the impressive Rawley for 20.
Two overs later the visitors struck again, this time the hugely determined Dickinson was rewarded for his fielding efforts, seeing the languid Vedhara ambling back for a second run, he took aim from some thirty yards and his direct hit found the surprised batsman a yard short.
Mallards purple patch continued in the next over when Stone got a reward for his excellent spell as Steele pouched a fine catch at mid-off to reduce the home side to 97-3 from 15, Stone finishing with 1-21 from his four overs. Haylock finished his equally fine spell with 1-25 from four which could have been even better if Dickinson’s fine catch at point hadn’t been generally considered to have not quite carried.
Part-time bowlers Wood and Butcher took over and the wickets continued to fall as Browne took a very sharp catch from a fierce off-drive in Wood’s first over and the same fielder helped to run out Walters in combination with Butcher in the next to restrict the home side to 118-5 from 18 overs. Unfortunately, this was a 20-over game and throughout this spell Sandhu had continued to bat beautifully and he and Harwood decided to unveil a selection of impressive cover drives as Wood’s next over went for 13 and Butcher’s for 12 with the only saving grace coming with Sandhu retiring for a splendid 30 and Butcher clean-bowling his replacement Gilfillan with the final ball of the innings as Davipart finished on 143-6 from 20 overs, Wood and Butcher both finishing with 1-19 from their two overs.
Despite the late withdrawals of Mussett and Nitsch, Mallards still had a good-looking batting line-up (only in the cricketing sense obviously, their Kelsey Grammer double Mr Haylock excepted) and Steele and Scott took to the field with optimism unchecked until it was, um, checked by the wily Thompson’s first over – a wicket maiden which saw Steele caught low down at slip for 0.
Bad went to worse in the second over as Dickinson’s run of form with the bat continued as he misjudged a drive to be comfortably caught for nought with the Mallards ship stuck firmly on the jagged rocks of 1-2 after two overs. Scott and Buckley steadied things down slightly before Scott was undone by a ball which kept very low as Thompson took his second wicket and the visitors plummeted to 15-3 from 5 overs. Wood joined Buckley at the crease and the pair gradually eased their way into the game with their hitting and blocking policy, Buckley doing the hitting and Wood the blocking. Slowly the score mounted and after 10 overs Mallards had reached 43-3 with Buckley retiring on a well-constructed 30. Butcher joined Wood at the crease and the pattern continued as the former smashed his first ball for four and the run-rate moved upwards with 27 runs coming from three overs until, misguidedly attempting his first attacking stroke, Wood was bowled by Rawley for 5 with the score on 61-4 after 12.
Beacock entered the fray and then exited quickly for 0 in similar fashion to Wood and a brief flurry from Browne produced two boundaries before he perished in the same way as the previous two as Mallards reached 75-6 after 15.
Butcher, however, was maintaining his previous good form and continued to play his shots, hitting two more fine boundaries. Stone came and went, bowled by Ravi’s only straight ball of his spell for 4, bringing Dunhill to the crease.
Despite needing an unlikely 54 to win from the final two overs Butcher gamely tried to force the pace and after reaching 25 drove straight to Rawley at mid-on who took a fine catch giving Haylock a rare moment at the crease. The innings ended with Dunhill sneaking the single needed to take Mallards to a respectable 100-8 from their 20 overs.
Another defeat but having fought back well from difficult starts with both bat and ball a much-improved performance against a very strong side.
A very pleasant pint outside the Harton clubhouse followed, enlivened by tales of Mr Haylock’s surprising double life as an Emmy-winning TV star (see Colin’s player profile for a photo of the hard-drinking, four-times married Kelsey Grammer)
Age: If you want to borrow his bus pass you only have to ask
Specialisms: Spin bowling, Number 11 batsmen
Profile: Since the semi-retirement of Tony Cleaver, Colin has risen to become not only a regular opening bowler but the team’s elder statesman, which in this team is very ‘elder’ indeed. When not playing for Mallards, Colin has somehow found time to star in a well-known American sitcom
Favourite Colour: Grey
Nickname: Frasier
Match Reporter: Colin Haylock
Mallards snatch ignominious defeat from jaws of mere defeat in “W” rated horror show against Riding Mill Village.
The headline says it all – those of a delicate disposition should read no further.
On a night of great cricketing innovation (18 overs at 12 a side) at a fortunately sparsely supported Estadio Riding Mill the Mallards surpassed themselves in a display of epic Mallardian incompetence which took its cues from the Geordie generosity offered to the visitors from Liverpool at St James Park last weekend.
Was it vaunting self-confidence from an unfamiliar early season win in the previous game, or the stress of travelling to their first away fixture of the year (having to cross the pavilion to the unfamiliar away dressing room) that prompted such a wonderous performance from before the first ball to the close of play?
Riding Mill’s captain returned from the toss and announced to his team that they were batting first in the best of the light as they had hoped. Congratulated on winning the toss he revealed he’d actually lost it !
From this doubtful platform the Mallards built in spectacular style spurning one potential further cricketing innovation – a retirement figure for extras.
P Terry and Nitsch opened for the Village and Browne and Dunhill for the Mallards. Browne established early a part of the tone of the Mallards performance – two wides in his first over – but untypically wasn’t conceding runs off the bat. Dunhill bowling tightly by the standards of the day was rewarded by the wicket of Nitsch in his second over leaving the Village on 15 for 1 in the 4th over. This brought Jonny Bennett to the crease to visit his particular brand of mayhem and push the score along with the only 6 of the game.
Six overs in and all to play for with the Village restricted to 28 for 1 and impressive figures for Dunhill of 1 for 19 and a positively miserly 0 for 7 for Browne.
The first change brought Heslop and Mexter into the fray — after a generous first over Heslop tightened things up in his second, which conceded only one run and a wide. The normally tight and threatening Mexter enjoyed his first over so much he didn’t want it to end – but after 10 balls even he had to admit one can have too much of a good thing ! At least he was consoled by the bowling of Bennett in his second over.
Meanwhile in the field “skip” Stig was commencing his taking of a battering – a seriously painful stop with wrist rather than hand – and another on the arm before he found ways of magically allowing the ball to pass through his not inconsiderable body.
Halfway and 57 for 2 and a further change of bowling brought Haylock and Scutt into play. Heslop was brought up to slip and took a sharp first ball catch off Haylock. The next 4 overs peppered with wides took the score to 97 for 3 before Haylock’s 3rd over sent opener P Terry back to the pavilion bowled for 23 followed next ball by Walker.
The final overs shared between Scott and Mexter brought wickets for Scott and Mexter but saw M Terry retire on 30 and the score grow to a challenging 113 for 7 off the 18 overs – with extras top scoring on 39 (9 over the agreed retirement figure!) [curiously the reporter has omitted to mention the sitter dropped by Dickinson, for the record it’s now noted! –ed.]
With a target of 7.5 an over and failing light the great chase was set upon by openers Steele and McCaffrey. Steele set out well with a four in the first over but tight bowling by Bennett and M Terry and our openers ability to cunningly pick out Village fielders slowed progress with the score creeping to 22 without loss after 5 overs.
Safeguarding his standing in the Village prompted Nitsch to a fine catch over his head to dismiss the unfortunate Steele off a slow leg break by Bennett.
With McCaffrey holding down one end and scoring steadily but slowly [having taken a couple of overs to rediscover what the purpose of the piece of sculpted willow in his hand, was for – ed.] wickets tumbled at the other end. Scott and Dickinson departed for 5 each both caught by Bennett – Dickinson picking him out on the boundary for a juggled catch from a shot that deserved better.
Mexter rested on his two wicket laurels in departing for a 4 ball 1. Beacock attempted to steady the ship but, with the Mallards slipping further and further behind the run-rate, went for 7. 57 for 6 became 59 for 8 with the rapid departure of Heslop and a first baller for Scutt.
McCaffrey went LBW [or maybe that was BBW – box before wicket – ed.] on 24 (six short of cancelling out the 30 wides given away in the first innings) and a closing partnership producing 18 runs over the last 5 overs between Browne and Dunhill took the score to a shameful 81 for 9.
Truly a night to forget [chips and onion rings in the ever welcoming Wellington helping to accelerate the process – ed.]
Match reporter: Alan Boyes
It was the naughty step, a visit to Principal Savile’s office and a belated referral to operation Yew Tree for the Mallards.
All had seemed set fair on a sun drenched late afternoon at the Jesmond County Ground. With a late start in prospect, because an under 15’s Grammar school game was still in play, this was opportunity for several Mallards to consume generous amounts of performance unenhancing drugs and to top up their melanomas in the brilliant, burning sunlight.
Drugged or not the Mallards couldn’t help but notice the high standard of batting, bowling and fielding that they were going to have to follow once the kids had vacated the pitch. “The trouble is these kids are trying too hard. They all think they’ve got something to prove whereas we’ve reached that high mountain peak of maturity. From our lofty peak we feel the air of another planet. We’ve nothing to prove,” As one Mallard eloquently put it. So confidence couldn’t have been higher – if you can’t distinguish bluster and bullshit from confidence.
Then the first tiny hints of doubt: “Who has the kit bag?” Quizzical looks all round and with the finely honed powers of Sherlockian deduction the team collectively narrowed it down to Mr Peter Nitsch who was, at the time, treading the boards in Stratford. His magnificent “Bottom” was wowing the audiences there in a much lauded production of “Midsummer Night’s Dream”. Back in Newcastle the reviews weren’t so good as his colleagues had deduced that he’d left the kit bag at Riding Mill. A pithy and withering review from local theatre critic, Gareth Taylor was particularly [eloquently short and – Ed.] stinging but deemed unsuitable for publication; apt though it was. The message did, however, reach the forlorn thespian.
With the humiliation of having to plea for kit charity from the opposition and heads spinning from their “essential medication” the Mallards took to the field in less bullish fashion than might have been the case earlier. The burnishing sunlight gave way to an enveloping chill that saw the lesser spotted Alan Boyes rushing back to the pavilion to get his fleece top. The exhaustion from this lengthy run left him breathless for a couple of overs and led to a couple of unfortunate fumbles – not in the Principal’s office you’ll be pleased to know.
A fast outfield, firm wicket and reasonably competent looking opening batsmen did not auger well for the Mallards. So it was to prove despite Andy Dunhill and Tom Browne bowling a reasonable line and length. Anything slightly inaccurate was punished and the score sped along at nine an over with only the prospect of batting retirements for reaching thirty providing any hope. The score passed 50 in the sixth over and reached 65 after just seven.
Some chances came and went with a run out miss and the normally reliable Peter Beacock dropping a catch but it was mostly one way traffic for the first 12 overs as the score passed a hundred.
Eventually Davidson retired on 33 but Leon took the first actual wicket by dismissing the other opener with a seemingly slow motion caught and bowled. Craig followed this up by bowling Payne. Leon had Devlin well caught by Colin and the scoring rate began to slow. Indeed Leon finished with fine figures of 2 for 18. The remaining overs were delivered by Andy, Trevor and Stig.
With 4 down a burly man came to the wicket dressed in a green top and dark trousers. First impressions think are, “this guy won’t have a clue” followed by bitter experience where many a poorly attired player smacks every other ball for six. For once though, prejudice proved spot on as this one seemed incapable of hitting anything. The scoreboard ground to a halt only for him to finally connect with one ball from Andy, which Stig pouched spectacularly. Congratulations were hearty but short lived, “Oh I guess the next batsman can’t be that bad.”
Despite that Trevor and Stig took another wicket each, including a sharp stumping by Pete, as the RGS Old Boys closed on a fine but hardly frightening 137 for 6. A special mention should go to Colin McCaffery for a tireless display in the field that saved many runs. This had been a great fight back and given the Mallards real hope.
How do we know all this? These were historic events, after all, happened literally days ago. The RGS Old Boys, great fans of French situationist art appeared to have kept the score and then randomly cut the bowling analysis into many dislocated pieces and rearranged them in a new absurdist form. It’s good that they loved art but it wasn’t much help to us Mallards. Thankfully, a large team of professional restoration staff was drafted, who lovingly and tirelessly worked through the night to reconstruct the original masterpiece. The following morning, their spokesman, Professor David Starkey confidently announced that the original had been faithfully restored to its original state and provided a perfect facsimile of King Richard III: It might as well have done.
OK so historical memory was a bit iffy for part one but the Mallardian restorers got to keep the books for the reply. Many of the eye witnesses still live among us today. Glenn Steel and a slightly surprised and bewildered Alan opened the innings. It’s fair to say that things didn’t start too well. Alan facing the very first ball realised the painkillers and anti epilepsy tablets had his head spinning before the bowler released the ball. Thankfully it tailed way down leg side for a bye. When a more clear headed Glen was confused by a fielder’s dark trousers he called for a single thinking it was the umpire only to see him collect the ball and run Alan out. Alan left the scene quite relieved that his dismissal could be blamed on someone other than himself rather than his own short comings.
Sadly the hapless opener was quickly followed by the cream of the Mallards batting line up as they crumbled to 18 for 5. Glenn, Matt, Colin and Trevor were soon able to warm themselves in the bar before Craig and Leon began to rebuild the innings. The scoring rate however, like the British economy, didn’t pick up as it bobbed along at or around 3 an over for the first 16 overs. Eventually the dogged Butcher / Scott partnership was broken when Craig was caught and bowled for a creditable thirteen. Leon soon followed and Pete, in a situation set up to play for his average, was uncharacteristically was caught for a duck. That left the score at 45 for 8 with just 4 overs left. A large gathering of RGS old boy groupies chanted, drunkenly throughout the innings, cheering every little RGS triumph along the way. Normally this would be very annoying but it showed a totally unwarranted respect for the Mallards abilities when they’d not mounted the slightest threat to their team’s total.
To this point Stig had taken Lord Haw-Haw, sorry Hawke’s, famous adage about “getting them in singles” to heart. It was more like getting them in dot balls and the occasional bye. With just 2 wickets remaining and the overs drifting away the Mallards faced a super human task to overhaul the RGS total. Not since Eric Pickles became the first man to successfully cross the Florida Everglades on a pogo stick and Michael Gove climbed Mount Everest on rollerblades had human endeavour reached such dizzying heights. Sadly both those adventures ended tragically when both men survived to tell the tale [much to the frustration of Andy Dunhill who had been looking forward to getting a solid 7 overs of much wanted batting practice in – Ed.].
For Eric Pickles and Michael Gove read Mark Butcher and Tom Browne: the final 2 overs showed a remarkable acceleration with Tom blasting an unbeaten 21 [including a humongous 6 over the fence and into the cemetery – an early candidate for a trophy nomination perhaps? – Ed.] and Stig a “quality, well structured” unbeaten 17, blotting his copybook only by scoring a needless late boundary. Tragically these heroics still came up 60 runs short but thankfully the two heroic warriors emerged unscathed to enjoy a pint after the match.
With defeat looking inevitable so long before the close the lads were reconciled to their fate and took the defeat in the way that only true winners do; a shrug of the shoulders and a “whatever”. Defeat this time but rest assured that for the Mallards glory juggernaut this was but a mere puncture; they’ll be back on the road crushing opposition at ground near you soon; with or without their kit.
Match Reporter: Gareth Taylor
With just 3 days to the solstice, and a lovely warm summer evening the auspices were good for a competitive game of cricket against new opposition St Georges Rovers.
With Captain Wood suffering from a fractured little finger and Vice-Captain Butcher enjoying a day at Lords it was the opportunity for club despot Taylor to take on the role of acting captain. Winning the toss, Taylor chose to bat and asked the latest opening pair of Porteous and Steel to open the Mallards innings, and a highly effective choice it was. Against some good bowling from Cuthbertson and Littlefair that saw both batsmen dropped early on (credit to the opposition fielder who immediately put his hand up after taking a very low one at gully admitting that he’d grounded the ball), and several scoring shots off the inside edge, both batsmen got going and kept the scoreboard ticking over. Cuthbertson who had bowled tidily say his last over starting with a flicked 6 to deep mid-wicket off Steel and a further 9 runs added thanks to another 4 and a no-ball 5 before finally securing the wicket of Steel, out for 25, with his last ball to see Mallards finishing off the 7th over the score of 53 for 1.
Octogenarian bowler Stevens who had replaced Littlefair in the 5th over had taken an over to find his length, but struck in his second over as a frustated Porteous took a charge down the wicket and was duly stumped for 21. Nitsch helped to keep the runs moving while Scutt appeared to be suffering from a dizzy spell having been promoted to the number 4. Both however perished, the former from a direct hit from deep fine leg while taking a second run and the latter caught plumb lbw from a straight one from Stevens – despite protests that he’d hit it first falling on the highly deaf ears of umpire Dunhill.
The innings was shored up by the second decent partnership of the innings between Dickinson (finally finding some form) and McCaffery. Dickinson declared intent from the outset with a huge driven 6 over long on that cleared the trees, while McCaffery has happy to happy to keep the strike rotated. The Cat finally perished for 12 after skying one in the 16th over with the score on 103. His replacement, Scott was bowled for 2 – possibly as a result of Matt pushing for quick singles, which then saw Mussett come to crease and an interesting tussle as both batsmen vied to keep the strike. The competition got all too much Mussett who was caught for 7 with 2 balls of the innings remaining. Taylor at number 8 hit his first ball for 4 and duly missed the second completely, seeing the Mallards innings close on 125 and Dickinson seeing a vast improvement to his average finishing on 31 not out.
Mallards defense opened with Browne and Mussett. Browne now firmly established as the logical opener for Mallards bowled tidily, while Mussett exhibiting the testosterone of youth opened his end with a snorter that went past the batsman’s grill and mutterings of “I thought this was a friendly”. However the batsmen kept scampering singles and the scoreboard was kept ticking along at 5 runs per over.
Taylor replacing Mussett in the 6th over secured a wicket with his first ball thanks to a well taken catch at cover by Mussett, however things went downhill from there with his second ball going for 6 off Munro. With Browne finishing his spell with a respectable 1 for 17 off 4, Nitsch continued to keep things tight from the “singular tree” end. However the story was not as rosy at the other end as Taylor hemorrhaged runs, in part thanks to 2 misfields going for 4 and 4 overthrows from the normally reliable Dickinson and a 4 let through by Browne who for some reason has decided to move in 20 yards from the boundary. 4 overs, 2 for 45 do make pretty reading.
Most of the damage was being done by Munro, who eventually retired with the score on 90 – at which point the St Georges skipper Phil stepped onto the field to confess that Munro has actually been called off after scoring 44 not the 35 agreed retirement. In a sporting gesture he then proposed that Mallards be awarded 9 penalty runs to set a revised target of 135 to win with 6 overs to go – an offer Taylor gratefully accepted.
With the scoreboard continuing to tick along at 5 runs an over despite some tidy bowling from Scott (replacing Nitsch 3 overs 1 for 10), Mussett (bowling a tidy penultimate over with spin for just 1 run) and Dunhill, 10 runs were still needed off the last over. With most of the Mallards squad out on the boundary, and other form batsman Hall on 26 it looked set for a tight finish. A dot ball suggested this before Hall took a big step down the wicket and wrapped things up with a 6 (over Dickinson’s head) and a 4 to the backward square leg boundary to see St Georges home with 3 balls to spare.
A couple of bits of tidier fielding [ahem and bowling from a certain person, sorry guys – Ed.] and it could all have been different. Nevertheless a really competitive game, good opposition and good spirit made it an enjoyable evening’s cricket and hopefully a new team we will have the fixtures list next season and maybe a return match in a couple of weeks time.
Match Reporter: Craig Scott
My first attempt at a match report, I could complete this in two sentences, but for those of you that don’t know the score, I’ll go into a little more detail. For those that do know the score, you can probably stop reading now and get back to the Ashes.
There are few things better than a beautiful sunny evening and the prospect of a game of cricket at Riding Mill, with the outfield getting quicker by the game and the wicket getting greener, no wait, getting better.
With Sparta winning the toss, and sensibly deciding to bat first, we were quickly underway (I assume we got underway on time as I missed the first 3 overs!). Our trusty opener Tom Browne started well, with only 3 runs conceded off his first over. His bowling partner Steve Hunt went one better, going for only 2 runs but picking up the wicket of Hunter, caught by Rob ‘Safehands’ Scutt. A decent start. Tom and Steve both continued to bowl well, but with little reward, the usually dependable Gez spilling a catch, not an easy one, but we might be able to forgive seeing as he is usually wearing a pair of gloves, Tom finishing with figures of 4-0-25-0 and Steve with 4-0-21-1, and with Sparta on 46-1 after the opening 8 overs. With Sparta opener Foulds retiring hurt, digging out a Yorker from Browne and getting his feet stuck in the pitch and twisting his knee, the Riding Mill pitch now being compared to the Wimbledon debacle given the amount of injuries of late, the decision to build a cricket pitch on an old Indian burial ground now coming back to haunt us.
With Mallards a little short on bowlers, it was Scott and McCaffrey who took the next spell, Scott going for 9 from his first, and McCaffrey, bowling for the first time in over 25 years, and quickly running out of WD40 to put on his shoulder, going for 6 from his first. In the 11th over, finally some breakthroughs, with McGuiness coming down the track to Scott, only to nick one onto his stumps playing a big ol’ heave to cow corner (does this count as 2 wickets please?), and then new batsman Pearson perishing first ball, spooning one into the air straight back to the bowler, who kindly bottled the catch, stepped aside, and allowed Gez to atone for his earlier drop, now that is teamwork! Sadly, these wickets were the last to fall, with McCaffrey, Butcher and Greenwood (who bowled some tidy stuff at times with a couple of LBW shouts) unable to stop the flow of runs, despite numerous field changes to plug the gaps, the Sparta batsman seemed to find new gaps with ease, and finished on 160-3 (ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY FOR THREE) Sorry I went all BBC VIdi-printer there.
8 an over needed then as Greenwood and Howe set out to bat, with Gez cutting the first of some well timed cut shots for four in the first over. Howe stuck in at the other end, and looked better than the scorebook suggests, being bowled for 1 by Bowman, but played straight and faced some decent bowling. Greenwood also got a good un, and was bowled by Bowman for a spritely 12. To the crease came Jordan and Scutt, who still had to face a decent Sparta bowling attack. The two set about with the admirable mentality of keep wickets in hand, but sadly the runs dried up, with Mallards stuck on 23-2 after 10 overs. Scutt and Jordan eventually fell, bowled for 4 and 6 respectively, bringing our leader for the day Butcher to the crease. Hit out or get out were his calls from the boundary whilst waiting to come on, and he didn’t disappoint, retiring for a well made 31, including 5 boundaries. McCaffrey and McGuiness didn’t have too much luck, McGuiness stumped for 5 and McCaffrey caught for 0. The ever reliable Beacock showed good intent hitting a quick 11 with a couple of well timed boundaries, but it was never going to be enough as Mallards closed on 93-6.
Still, it was an enjoyable evening, with Yorkshire Puddings making a debut down the welly, delicious, even though we ate them all before the gravy turned up!
Match Reporter: Glenn Steel
As the Mallards stalwarts arrived at the ground, somewhat depleted by injuries (very best wishes for a speedy recovery Leon and Trevor) and the discovery that a waddlingof Mallards had infiltrated the opposition ranks, it felt like a new start. A couple of ringers (thanks Dave and Colin) had made up the numbers and we mused at the notion that under our (literally) new skipper, one Thomas Colum Browne (TCB), a significant challenge was faced by us that evening, a damp pitch, an opposition containing a significant phalanx of Mallardian talent and our dubious [hit and, more often, miss ed.] record this season.
However, massed behind our inspirational skipper, serious confidence and determination grew steadily. The coin was thrown, heads was called and Mallards were presented with the divine option. We’ll have a bowl said TCB. Good decision? Inspired!! Based on Logic? You bet your boots. Inspirational motivational quotations were uttered. We need men who can dream of things that never were (John F. Kennedy). And we did.
To say that the fielding performance was the stuff of legend was an understatement. Under the wise hand of TCB, firm and logical manipulation of a prodigious bowling attack brought consistent and regular reward using the sporting wicket to great effect. Significant movement both off the pitch and through the air resulted in miserly bowling (Dunhill 4-1-3-2, Mitcheson 4-1-11-1, Haylock 2-0-4-2) and inspired field placing resulted in a steady flow of wickets. Supported by the constant banter from the field (lead by master psychobabble consultant McCaffery) the precocious Mallardian middle order of Riding Mill were consistent in their scoring (Dickinson, Nitsch and Bennett scoring a single each) only Heslop with a gallant, aggressive and ultimately futile 15 bucking the trend.
Only Howe with a patient 15 not out and a regular contributor for the opposition, Wide with 14, swelled the score to 77 for 9 off 20 overs (something of a recovery from 36 for 6). However, catching was unbelievably sound and secure. Four catches, NONE DROPPED. Pride of place must go to Dave Lee (more later) with a stunning catch at mid-wicket to get rid of the dangerous Bennett from a full blooded pull.
The nature of the pitch warranted a cautious approach (a run rate of less than 4 being required). However, Steel had other ideas as he ran out Gardner in the second over, thus further developing his developing reputation as a Boycott-esque run out merchant. However, the strategy adopted by Lee and Steel to defend resolutely and take toll of bad balls worked well. Tight spells by Reed and Page were repelled.
Lee, in particular, despatched the bad ball with great certainty and the partnership developed (56 for the 2nd wicket) to the extent that when Steel was dismissed leg before by Bennett, the game was all but won.
Lee retired with an excellent 36 soon afterwards and it was left to a belligerent McCaffery, supported by Haylock, to carry Mallards to victory by 8 wickets with 6 overs to spare.
Overall a splendid, all-round, performance. Good toss to win embellished by inspirational banter and leadership. The experienced lags in the Mallards ranks advised TCB to retire from captaincy while he was ahead – it’s all downhill from here!!! “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.” (W.C. Fields).
Match Reporter: Trevor Wood
A rather belated match report but a rare convincing victory that shouldn’t go unreported.
Mallards faced Ovingham still rather shell-shocked by the horrible injury to Mexter in the previous home game but with a good recent record against the visitors confidence was high. With Ovingham short-handed and Mallards over-manned, home regulars Scutt and Wilson kindly volunteered to play for the opposition.
Wood won the toss and as usual chose to bat second and for once his decision was rewarded with some excellent early bowling from the home side.
The regular opening pair of Dunhill and Browne bowled very tightly right from the start, backed up by some surprisingly sharp fielding, an approach that was finally rewarded when Wood pouched a simple chance in the covers in the fourth over with Ovingham at 17-1.
Whilst there were no more early wickets both bowlers continued to prove difficult to get away with Dunhill in particularly tight form and after eight overs the visitors had strugged to a mere 27-1 with Dunhill ending his spell on a terrific 1-8 and Browne returning 0-15 from his four.
The returning Stone and the equally venerable Haylock took over and kept a real brake on the scoring and after 13 overs the visitors were still struggling to get the ball away on 42-1. Haylock finally got his due reward in the next over, Beacock sharply stumping the opener Wallbank for a slow 25. With the bowlers well on top the score continued to creep along slowly and after 16 overs only 67 runs had been conceded with Stone and Haylock finishing with the admirable figures of 0-15 and 1-11 from their four overs.
Scott and Wood took over to complete the innings and after an expensive over from Scott saw 13 runs added to the score Mallards injury jinx struck again in the next over when Wood dived to prevent a single and dislocated and fractured a finger. With one ball of his first over left and his bowling hand and two-pace run up unhindered he completed the over with a wicket, Dickinson taking a comfortable catch at mid-off. Scott finished his spell with 0-15 from his two and after his successful last ball Wood decided to bowl the final over and it proved an inspired decision. His fourth ball was scooped direct to Mussett at mid-off and his fifth similarly taken by Nitsch at mid-on leaving him to finish his spell with a hat-trick ball to the new batsman, fellow Mallard Wilson, who bizarrely chose to block the ball rather than present his usual captain with a rare bowling achievement perhaps knowing that Wood was unlikely to play again this season and would have to wait a while to play him at number 11 every week (though revenge is of course a dish best served cold Mr Wilson!).
Mallards reply was brief and remarkably efficient. A new opening partnership of Mussett and Nitsch set their stall out immediately with Mussett picking off the bowling at will and Nitsch ensuring he improved his average at the other end as the pair steadily climbed comfortably towards the target. After six overs they had reached 30-0 and after 10 a very comfortable 47-0. Mussett retired on a well-made 31 and the in-form Butcher came to the crease to help steer the team to victory, a target they achieved with great comfort, finishing on 76-0 in the 15th over to win by 10 wickets with Nitsch unbeaten on a chanceless 19 and Butcher not out 10.
