Age: Imagine a baby-faced assassin. That’s how old he is

Specialism: The boy can catch flies. Hands like buckets. He loves catching things so much he even caught his head once (see above).

Profile:  Ali is living proof of the triumph of Nurture over Nature as anyone who has seen his dad play will testify. Ali is a brilliant fielder, a promising batsman and we are eagerly awaiting him getting a chance to turn his arm over next season. None of these things apply to his old man.

Favourite colour: Green (Due to his novice status in the team. At his current rate of progress up the team’s form ratings we may soon have to change this to Gold)

Nickname: Butterfingers (Those who believe that irony is dead have never read the Mallards website)